Some Kind of Madness
by sara.estelz
Summary: Thrust into the year 2259 with little more than her camera, Leila Parvin finds herself aboard the Starship Enterprise & among the ship's celebrated crew. Struggling to cope with inner demons & a life-changing revelation about her identity, Leila learns to navigate the future's many surprises & ends up trusting her heart to the last person she ever thought would want it. Spock/OC
1. A Jolt

"_If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world_." C.S. Lewis

White and grey clouds swirled overhead as a flock of larks fluttered over the green, manicured gardens and down behind a nearby building. Pockets of teenagers and parents with small children were huddled under umbrellas and blankets, taking pictures of the massive structure that could be recalled with ease from the memory of every educated person who'd ever taken a history course or studied an art book. My attention, however, was focused on a small child splashing in a puddle across the courtyard, her blond curls brushing against her arms every time she jumped forward.

"Hurry up Leila! It's already starting to sprinkle and I want to get up to the top before they close the lift!" Hearing my mother's call, I pulled my camera down from my face and turned around to see her and my father waving me forward. I shook my head as I jogged to catch up with them and pushed my DSLR back into my bag.

"You know, I still can't believe you guys brought me on your vacation with you. Not that I'm complaining, but I'm sure you two are the only married couple in Paris toting along their twenty six year old daughter." My dad's arm wrapped around my neck and he pulled me in to a headlock.

"Come on Leila, you know I can't visit the most beautiful city in the world without the two most beautiful ladies in the world." I struggled under his hold as he poked me in the ribs, tickling me and making me laugh uncharacteristically loud. My mother was shaking her head as she pulled my dad's hand free from my side and intertwined it with hers. I finally pushed my dad away with a gentle shove and smiled softly to myself. My dad wasn't usually this excitable, he preferred to leave the extreme emotions to my mother; a trait which I seemed to have picked up from him, but I could tell this little family vacation of ours had renewed his spirits and his happiness was all but bubbling up to his eyes. The three of us reached the lifts under the south pillar of the Eiffel Tower just as passengers were being loaded on and I watched with awed appreciation at the love my parents had for one another. Over thirty years together and they still held hands and whispered secrets to one another as if they were newlyweds out on their honeymoon. The perfect example of what a loving and caring union was supposed to look like.

"You all right dear? You look like you're a light year away." My mom's face came in to focus as I pulled myself from my musing and nodded.

"Yeah, just thinking is all. We're almost to the top." I pointed out as I cleared my head, astonished that I had let the nine minute ride pass by without so much as a glance around the car at the other passengers. Apparently my dad wasn't the only one feeling out of character. The doors of the lift opened and my next breath rushed in as a gasp. The entire 16th arrondissement of Paris, the rivers, and gardens below the tower expanded out beyond view, even with the clouds overhead the beauty of the sprawling city couldn't be reduced with its tall, baroque architecture and masses of people bustling below. My feet seemed to move of their own volition and I suddenly found myself holding on to the railing of the tower's side, peering out on tip toes to breathe in the sweet, humid air that whipped around us when I felt another body walk up beside me.

"This is…incredible." My parents' faces came in to view as I turned and rested my elbow on the small ledge.

"Really, thank you guys for bringing me, this has been amazing." I meant it when I said it; we had yet to pass the 72 hour mark in Paris and already we had visited the Arc de Triomphe, the Place de la Concorde and the Champs-Elysees all of which could only be topped by the exhilarating and monumental experience of standing on top of the most prized and historic building in the city. My dad wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and lightly kissed the top of my forehead.

"You're welcome sweetheart."

A few more minutes passed before the party started to make their way back on to the lift. I glanced back over my shoulder to make sure I still had some time to take a few more pictures before we left and made my way over to the nearest corner. My camera clicked several times as I took picture after picture and the sound of the shutter was almost enough to distract me from the tumultuous storm overhead. I looked up from my spot and noticed how dark the sky had become in just the few moments I had been standing here. A quick glance down showed groups of people looking up and pointing above to the storm clouds swirling and crackling with electricity. They were a sickly shade of purple-grey and I could smell the ozone as the pressure dropped and a fierce lightning storm started raging over the tower. The sound of my parents yelling for me to come back was barely audible over the deafening thunder and I turned to look at them just as a bolt struck the adjacent building and sent blinding, white light over the faces of everyone on the tower lift. Several people turned away and I spun back around and peered over the edge to see what kind of damage the hit produced. The structure itself was still intact but chunks of the stone had been blown out in a wide radius around the building and smoke was rising from where the bolt had landed. I stilled for a moment as I felt a change in the air pressure again and my breath was sucked from my lungs in one long drag. I knew, no, felt what was about to happen next and just as I pulled in a ragged, shuddering breath I was enveloped in a white and static light. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the intense, excruciating agony that was being struck by lightning. Every muscle, every bone, every nerve ending throughout my body burned with a searing fire so intense it almost registered as being cold. From the tips of my toes to the follicles on my scalp every sensation was amplified and my body went completely rigid as the electrical energy coursed through me, impeding any movement I tried to make to gain traction as I felt myself being pulled, as though through a vacuum tube, up and off the ground. All I could do was be grateful I had shut my eyes, as I really didn't want to see the rapid descent from my position on the tower down to the ground when the bolt released its charge. I prayed to myself and mentally said my goodbye's to my parents as I continued to move upward. The squeezing, constricted sensation of being crushed from all sides continued and I could hear whistling in my ears, like wind was whipping past me, and just when I felt like I couldn't take the pressure anymore, everything went black.


	2. Far From Home

**I do apologize for the delay and for not mentioning in the previous chapter that this story is going to be (loosely) following events from the 1966 version of Parts 1 & 2 of the Episode entitled "The Menagerie." You will notice that I take several of my own liberties with this story but I will disclaim that I don't own anything in regards to Stark Trek, it's characters, locations, etc. The only characters I own are Leila, her parents, and any others she mentions from her history. I do also apologize if this beginning seems a bit slow at first, I promise events will pick up once we get a few formalities out of the way. =]**

* * *

Darkness.

I had never been afraid of the dark. Until six years ago.

Now it was everywhere, surrounding me, enveloping me in an oppressive shroud that felt as malignant as it was pervasive. It felt as though it were pushing in to me, through my pores, trying to get through the thin barrier to wreak its real havoc on my internal anatomy; on my mind. I had no idea where I was and a sickening thought popped in to my head that I must be dead, and that this was all there was, for eternity. Just an impenetrable, never-ending, anxiety-producing darkness hell bent on suffocating me with my own fear until I went mad with it.

Then there were the hands.

I had never been claustrophobic. Until six years ago.

Just as the darkness had invaded my senses and mind, the hands, seemingly a thousand all at once, were upon me, invading every inch of skin they could touch. Running over my face and down my back, across my stomach and hips pulling at the hem of my shirt and the pockets of my jeans, trying to strip me of the only defense I had in this terrible place as I writhed and pushed at the invisible force with all of my strength. A scream tried to escape my throat but the only sound I could make was a hollow croak and when I went to pull in another breath one of the hands snaked its way up between the cleft of my breasts and around my throat, squeezing with a life-ending strength. My legs bucked and kicked wildly, my head thrashing back and forth as I reached up to pull the hand away but I felt nothing but my own skin. Adrenaline rushed through me at the fear of my imminent death from this invisible force but as I felt the last of my breath escape, I heard a voice; it was weak, but it was there.

_Cap-tain._

The hand around my necked released me as quick as it had come and I felt a soft thud beneath me, as if it had dropped me on the ground. I began to notice the other hands disappearing one at a time and I heard the voice once more, this time it was stronger, clearer and, oddly enough, distinctly Russian.

_Come in Cap-tain._

I also started to notice that the darkness was dissipating, leaving in its wake a bright, clear light, that was only muffled by the thin stretch of my eyelids. I wasn't sure when I had closed my eyes, as I was certain they had been wide open during my time in the void, but beneath them I moved my eyes around, gauging the feeling against the skin and making sure that I was actually conscious.

Had I really been dreaming?

It would seem like that now, as I could finally feel the cold, hard surface of a floor against my back, but the burning around my throat and the disheveled feeling of my clothes left a doubt in the back of my mind. I took a deep breath in, glad to be able to fill my lungs again, and let it out in a deep sigh.

"Yes sir, I think you should come down to the obser-wation deck immediately."

The voice was as clear as day now, and I could tell that the man, whoever he was, was right next to me, maybe even kneeling over me, if the feel of his body heat was any indication. My eyelids fluttered open and the first thing in my line of sight was a set of brown eyes staring down at me, the man's face contorted into a worried disposition. Although I'm not sure man would have been the proper term, I studied his face for a moment, full lips, a nose that was slightly too large for his face, curly dark hair and a softness to his face that meant he hadn't quite entered into adulthood. He was just a teenager by my estimate; even the softness of his voice as he spoke was adolescent.

"Are you alright?"

I thought on his question for a moment, was I all right? Considering I was just struck by lightning I felt terrific, I wiggled my toes and fingers and blinked a few more times before I nodded.

"Ye-" a hoarse, dry cough scratched my throat and my body racked with violent spasms. They continued for a few more moments before I was able to swallow enough to coat my throat to begin speaking again.

"Yes, I'm all right."

My joints ached in protest as I stretched my arms and legs to roll on to my side, the young man moved back a foot or two as I pushed myself up to lean on one hand, my dark hair falling over my shoulder, the ends brushing against the back of my hand. It was only then that I realized I had absolutely no idea where I was. The hall we were in was vast and open, multiple floors could be seen from where we were positioned, doors lining the wall every ten feet or so, the walls themselves were a stark white and the railings were stainless steel, giving the room an almost clinical, laboratory-like feeling. I brought my gaze back to the boy in front of me, noticing for the first time the uniform he was wearing. A long sleeved gold shirt and black pants, simple enough, but I had never seen the symbol that was sewn over the left side of his chest; a swooping arch with two points on the bottom of either side, almost like an 'A'. He noticed me staring and looked down at his shirt, confused.

"Where am I?" My voice cracked terribly, making my tone seem sullen and scared, which wasn't far off from how I was feeling, but I wasn't about to let him know that, I cleared my throat again and kept my tone even. "Is this a hospital?"

Surely since I had survived the lightning strike on the tower someone would have taken me to the hospital, but why was I on the floor? Where were my parents? A million questions were running through my mind and a slow sort of ominous panic threatened to burst out from the seams of my mind. I took a deep, shaking breath and reminded myself that freaking out wouldn't help solve anything. In fact it would probably only prove the colossal task of helping me to be even harder for this poor guy, who looked like he was feeling totally and completely out of his depth at the moment.

_That makes two of us kid._

He must have sensed my anxiety because he shook his head slowly and gave me a soft smile.

"No, but ve do have a sick bay if you vould like to go, but I do believe the doctor vill be here soon…"

He trailed off and turned to look over his shoulder, just as a group of three men rounded one of the corners towards us, walking at a fast clip.

"Chekov, what the hell is going on? What could be so damn important that…?" Another man in a gold shirt ran up, flanked by two others, and stopped just before he reached us, enough that he could see me behind the younger man's back and I could tell that my presence there startled him enough to stop his questioning.

"Oh."

"Cap-tain, I vas going to tell you vhen you got here, I did not think you vould believe vhat happened if I told you over the comm." The younger man stood up and gestured a hand towards me.

"I vas just on my way back to my cabin vhen I noticed her here, she was unconscious…" the younger man paused for a moment "…and she vas smoking sir, like she had been set on fire."

The other man, the Captain, as the boy referred to him, gave me a once over and smirked slightly.

"Well she is definitely smoking Mr. Chekov."

I raised an eyebrow as the captain looked down at me, taking in his golden brown hair and blue eyes, he would have been handsome if not for his overt boldness towards my physical appearance. I had certainly caught the double entendre in his words but I tried to remind myself to be amenable, he hadn't proven to be a real menace just yet, and I certainly didn't want to upset anyone that could possibly help me make sense of what was going on. Beside him another man in a blue shirt snorted and shook his head.

"Jesus Jim, can't you quit flirting for five damn minutes. The poor girl just appeared out of nowhere, onto a starship that's moving at warp no less, she probably has no idea where she is, and here you are trying to get her number." The blue shirted man huffed and knelt down in front of me, his hand extended.

"Leonard McCoy, but please, call me Bones; don't let the captain here get to you too much, he hasn't quite learned when to keep his mouth shut."

"Hey!"

I glanced over to the captain as he stared down the back of Mr. McCoy's head and gestured wildly with his hands. Looking back to the man in front of me I assumed that this was the doctor Chekov had mentioned earlier, as he was holding a clipboard in his opposite hand, and he had that annoyingly unruffled way of speaking to someone when he could tell they were on the edge of a mental meltdown. I had met plenty of his type in my life; still, he seemed nice enough. His hair was dark, as was the stubble along his jaw and the skin of his face and hands was tan, like he had been working out in the sun for a while, he was just the type of man that my mother would have described as "rugged." Carefully I pushed myself up in to a seated position and grasped his hand with my own.

"Leila."

The doctor smiled, flashing straight, white teeth, and shook my hand vigorously, his hand warm and rough.

"Would you like some help up?"

I nodded once and with his hand still wrapped around mine he pulled me up gently as I pushed up on to my knees and then finally to my feet. For a few moments my vision was a swirl of white and blue and gold and I could feel myself swaying where I stood. Another hand wrapped around the upper part of my arm to steady me and when my eyes adjusted I was now face to face with the doctor.

"You gonna be all right kid?"

My head nodded automatically but I could tell by the look on his face he wasn't convinced.

"I'm fine, thank you." I gave him a small smile and he finally released me. A few moments of silence passed as we all looked back and forth to one another, enough time for me to get a good look at all of them. The younger man, Chekov, was to my far right, leaning from foot to foot nervously, the captain stood beside him, his arms crossed over his chest and a curious look was on his face as he stared at me, like he was sizing me up, trying to figure out what I was. The doctor stood beside him; of course he was looking at me like he would a patient, waiting to see what I would do.

The fourth man, the one to my far left, had yet to speak, and he was by far the most peculiar.

Like the doctor, he was wearing black pants and a blue shirt, but in contrast to the doctor's friendly disposition, he seemed to be more reserved, calculating, as he had yet to say anything since their arrival, and I was beginning to wonder if he would speak at all. His hair was a dark, dark brown, cropped close to his head, and his eyes were almost an obsidian color, his eyebrows angled upward slightly, giving him the appearance of always being angered, and he was tall, at least a full four inches taller than the captain. The most unusual characteristic I noticed about him though were his ears, they swept upward, higher than any human's ear, and came to a point at the top; they were very elf-like. He too was studying me like the captain and the doctor, but with an intense, inquisitive, analyzing gaze that would have made me uncomfortable, had I not been so desensitized to looks like that. I noticed his eyes start with a look in to my own, but then they shifted, first to my lips, then to my nose, my hair, and finally to my own ears, a scrutinizing search that I'm sure he wasn't expecting me to notice. Because when his eyes finally settled back to mine and I furrowed my brows at his odd behavior, he shifted slightly where he stood and opened his mouth, like he meant to speak, but then closed it again.

Like I said, it wasn't the fact that he was studying me so intently that was unnerving, it was the way he was doing it that unsettled me.

The doctor at least was forthcoming with his personality and his interest in my well-being, and I could tell that the captain was only measuring up my potential as a bed mate, but this person, this man, was searching my face as if he had seen it before, only he couldn't remember where from. The kind of look you get from someone who just realized that they had a relative or a major experience in common with you; like they should know you, but they don't. I was confident I had never met any of these men before but I couldn't help but feel a sense of…ease, perhaps even familiarity when my attention was directed towards him, a bit strange given the unceremonious once-over he had given me. He opened his mouth once more and I knew exactly what he was going to ask before the words ever passed his lips.

"Who are you?"

The deep, rich tone of his voice fit his physical appearance perfectly, and I could feel the tension in my shoulders and back ease a little bit, an effect that, while pleasant, I was far too aware of for my liking.

"My name is Leila Parvin, although I'm certain that's not quite the information you were looking for." He merely raised an eyebrow at me.

"An astute observation Miss Parvin, as I was actually referring to your location prior to being aboard this ship, as well as an explanation of your presence here; as Dr. McCoy has stated, we are at warp, therefore making your presence here quite…curious."

I muttered under my breath, "Curious indeed." The captain turned to Chekov and whispered something in his ear before the young man nodded and turned to walk away, disappearing around the same corner the other men had come through. When the captain finally turned back to me I again focused my attention on to the taller man in the blue shirt before I delved into another explanation.

"To answer your first question, I had been vacationing with my parents in Paris; we were touring the Eiffel Tower just before your Mr. Chekov found me on the floor. As to how I came to be on this…" I glanced back around me, "…this vessel, I cannot answer you with any kind of certainty, and though I'm sure the fact that I was struck by lightning just before I woke up here may have something to do with it, I cannot confirm that either."

Beside me I could hear the doctor hiss sharply before he was upon me again, feeling my pulse at the bend of my wrist.

"Good God woman, why didn't you mention that in the first place!? No wonder your skin is so red!" He raised the back of his hand to my head quickly before pulling out a small device and running it through the air across my face and upper torso; it wouldn't have been so intrusive if the damned thing hadn't beeped incessantly. I reached up and roughly pulled his arm down from my forehead.

"I did not mention it Dr. McCoy, as physically I am feeling completely satisfactory and therefore did not see how it would make any difference. Now, would you be so kind as to lower that device from my face?"

He put the small scanner back in his pocket but by the incredulous look he gave me, I could tell he was not going to let it go that easily.

"You sound just like Spock here," he gestured to the taller man in front of me, "all logic and finality, blah, blah, blah. That's just what we need around here, a female version of you." He gave the man a pointed look but before he could say anything else, the man, Spock, spoke up.

"I believe you are quite right doctor, perhaps then the overly dramatic and emotional tendencies you and Captain Kirk display on a daily basis will finally be balanced out."

The doctor balked harshly and I couldn't help but chuckle quietly to myself at the altercation between the two men, clearly this Spock character did not appreciate sarcasm the way Dr. McCoy did and their dynamic was definitely entertaining to witness.

"So, let me get this straight; you were just hanging out on the Eiffel Tower with your parents, when you were struck by lightning and somehow transported here." The captain finally spoke up and looked at me in disbelief. "How is that even possible?"

I just shrugged. "I have no idea, but I would really like to get back to them if at all possible." I turned towards Spock, who regarded me with a slightly warmer temperament. "Since I answered your questions, would you be willing to answer a few of mine?"

He linked his hands together behind his back and inclined his head towards me in affirmation.

"First off, where am I exactly? I recall Dr. McCoy mentioning something about being aboard a starship, but I have absolutely no knowledge of what a starship actually is." Spock stood there, an impassive look on his face, yet I could sense my concession had the wheels turning in his mind.

"A starship, Miss Parvin, is a…"

"Leila." He merely furrowed his eyebrows at my interjection. "Please, call me Leila." Another slight nod of his head was the only reply I received.

"Leila, a starship is a spacecraft developed by a paramilitary defense known as Starfleet. It was created as a means to explore the distant reaches of space and bring aid to civilizations and races that were once beyond the scope of our help. The starship you are currently standing upon has been named the Enterprise."

I took a deep breath, "So, we are in outer space?"

Another curt nod of his head.

My throat suddenly went dry, a knot twisted in my stomach and I could feel the color drain from my face.

_Outer space. I am in outer space, on a spacecraft that's probably light years away from Earth with no way to contact my family. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?_

Tears threatened to spill over the brim of my eyes as the gravity of the situation hit me, running my hands through my hair I turned away from the group of men and tried to steady my breathing before I passed out again. Looking up from the floor I realized that we had been standing in front of a colossal window, as tall as the room itself and almost as wide. Long streaks of twinkling light were stretching past us at an alarming rate; the only thing breaking them up was the dark, hollow back drop of space, extending out way beyond any distance my human eyes could see. It was the oddest sensation, seeing it all racing past me so quickly yet feeling like I was standing completely still; this craft was remarkably built to be able to induce that kind of gravity and withstand that kind of pressure while moving so quickly.

A thought rushed to me so fast it practically slapped me in the face; I had a feeling I already knew the answer to the question I was about to ask but I turned back to Spock in a rush, my green eyes wide with expectation.

"When you say you're at warp…" I hesitated, hoping he would finish the thought and he definitely didn't disappoint.

"…I am stating that we are moving at, or faster than, the speed of light."

Before I knew what was happening I found myself in a fit of laughter, the kind of laughter from deep in your belly that is only reserved for the funniest of jokes, or for the most bizarre of news. News that your brain has no idea how to compute or quantify so out of a need to do something it just causes you to seize with hilarity. I could tell the three men thought that I must have been completely insane, and believe me I felt it, but once my laughter subsided I felt renewed, lighter, like a car engine that had stalled and then all of the sudden sputtered back to life again; I think I had just snapped out of the stupor that had been induced by my travels here.

"How in Heaven or on Earth has the government been able to keep this kind of technology a secret from the public? I have a military background and as far as I know no one, save for maybe the highest ranking officers and the president, could have known about this. As far as everyone is concerned we are nowhere near close enough to discovering the mechanism for light speed travel. "

All three of the men looked between one another with raised brows before the captain spoke.

"Are you sure you're all right? I mean I know you were struck by lightning and all but…" He turned to Dr. McCoy. "Lightning strikes can't cause amnesia can they?" The doctor shook his head as he stared at me.

"No, she would have had to hit her head really hard, maybe had some kind of blunt force trauma for that to happen, definitely not a lightning strike though." Sighing, I rubbed the back of my neck with my hands.

"Look, I don't have amnesia; I know my own name, my parents' names, my home address, the date…"

_No, Leila, don't even think it. You know that's not possible._

"The date…" I closed my eyes and braced myself before I asked, really to no one in particular.

"What is the date?"

It was Spock's voice I heard first.

"The current star-date is 2259.7."

My eyes popped open and I shook my head, smiling satirically.

"Of course it is." I couldn't even pretend to be upset; after all that I had happened and all that had been said my shock quota was completely spent for the day.

_Well that certainly explains the advanced technology…and their clothes._

"What do you mean? What year did you think it was?" Captain Kirk asked.

My grin turned sardonic and self-deprecating as I directed my gaze to him. "Captain, my last day on earth, the day I was struck by lightning and just before you found me here, was April fourteenth, two-thousand and fourteen."

There was a collective sense of astonishment among the group of men and the looks on their faces might have been amusing, had the situation been less severe. I heard the captain sigh as he rubbed a hand over his face; he turned to the other two men.

"Well we've got to contact Starfleet, figure out what the hell happened and what we can do now that she's on board."

"Captain," Spock cut in, "I do not believe that Starfleet will be of much help in this instance. Despite all of our technological advances there has been no clear cut information regarding time travel that would pertain to this case. Something like this has not yet been attempted and seeing as how Miss Par… Leila's journey here was the result of a freak weather anomaly; I do not see how we could reverse its effects."

I felt my heart sink. "So you're saying there's no way to get me back?" It was meant more as a statement, or a rhetorical question but Mr. Spock took it quite literally.

"I believe not."

The captain looked back from Spock to me, a look of resigned sympathy on his face.

"I'm sorry Leila."

My limbs suddenly felt heavy, all of my adrenaline left me in one tiring rush and coupled with the weight of all the knowledge that had been dumped on me, I felt like I could sleep for a week. I released a breath I hadn't even known I was holding and slowly shook my head.

"It's not your fault; there's nothing you can do and I understand that. If you don't mind, I'd like to get this conversation with this…Starfleet over as soon as possible, I'm exhausted." He nodded and turned to Spock.

"Well Spock, let's get this done." Spock merely inclined his head, a trait I realized must have been universal for him in his interactions, and he turned to leave; the Captain held a hand out and gestured me forward. "Come on, just follow us."

"Now hold on a second," Dr. McCoy turned to the Captain, "this woman's just been struck by lightning and thrust almost two hundred and fifty years into the future, through some of the deepest parts of space no less. I'm going to check her out first while you and pointy ears over there contact Starfleet, if they want to talk to her then they're just going to have to wait their damn turn."

The captain sighed, obviously realizing Dr. McCoy wasn't going to let it go, and raised his hands in surrender.

"All right Bones calm down, you go ahead and take her to Med-Bay with you and I'll see if I can get contact with Starfleet established." With another dejected look towards me he and Spock left, rounding the corner and out of sight. Dr. McCoy turned to me and swept his clipboard, gesturing me forward.

"Come on sweetheart."


	3. Revelation

**First things first: Greengoldlight4: Thank you so very much for the review, it makes my heart happy to know that you're enjoying the story so far!**

**Secondly: Whew. You guys, this chapter is long, like, 8k words long; but I couldn't find a good stopping point to break it up in to two chapters while still keeping a consistent, cohesive back story for Leila. Hopefully the length will make up for the obnoxious wait I put you through to get to this chapter. Thanks ya'll!**

* * *

If there were ever a word I would use to describe this ship, the Enterprise, it would most definitely be colossal; I had never seen anything quite like it. The labyrinthine halls that Dr. McCoy, or Bones as he preferred to be called, had been leading me through wound back and forth, intersecting one another every so often and were punctuated every now and then by a set of stairs or a doorway. Without any windows to gauge our position on the ship, trying to mentally navigate and keep track of where we were going was exceedingly difficult; it felt like we were just going in circles; it was also a little disconcerting that we hadn't run in to anyone else on the ship.

"Just around this corner here." He pushed his thumb on to a small pad next to a large steel door and it slid open with a _whoosh. _I followed him in to the room slowly and took a quick look around. There was a row of beds set high off the ground that lined the edge of the room in a large arc. Across from them there was a desk and a bright wall containing what I assumed to be medicine; the room expanded out and around past where I could see without having to strain my neck.

"Take a seat on the bed there please." I turned and walked over to the bed he was pointing at and practically jumped to get up on to it.

_Damn short legs._

Bones dropped his clipboard on to the desk and walked over to stand in front of me, his hands on his hips. He gave me a long, hard look, like he was trying to decide where to begin, and all I could do was stare back at him.

"You are somethin' else you know that?"

My eyebrows rose slightly but I didn't have a chance to answer him before he walked towards me and pulled my hand from my lap, feeling the pulse at my wrist once more.

"Most women, hell even most men, would be in complete shock after learning what you've just learned and you're sitting here like you haven't got a care in the world." His hands slid up to my elbows and pulled gently back and forth, testing the joints; he put his own hands up in front of me.

"Push against my hands."

I raised my hands and met his palms with my own, pushing against them as I met his gaze again.

"I promise you doctor, I am very much upset with what's happened, but there's nothing I can do about it; nothing that any of you can do about it. So freaking out wouldn't do me any good and it certainly isn't going to change what's happened. I may not show it on the outside, but I most certainly do have a care, in this world or my previous one."

Bones shook his head and raised his hands to my neck, feeling the lymph nodes underneath of my jaw.

"What's that look for?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing." I raised my eyebrows and gave him an accusatory look; he just sighed.

"You know, if you had pointy ears, I would say you could be Spock's twin, I swear to God nothing seems to faze that man." He dropped his hands from my neck and walked around the bed to my back, where I could feel him push my hair over my shoulder and his fingers probed the base of my skull.

"I'm gonna check to make sure you don't have any cracked vertebrae, let me know if the pressure is too much or if anything feels painful." I nodded to let him know I heard him and he slowly made his way down my spine with careful precision. It wasn't until he had made it to my waist that I finally asked.

"What is he?" Bones fingers stopped.

"Who?"

"Spock, I'm guessing he's not entirely human." I heard a scoff escape from his mouth and he continued pushing down my spine.

"Spock, aside from being a complete robot, is a half Vulcan, half human hybrid. His Vulcan half is what gives him the pointy ears and cheery disposition."

Vulcan. I mouthed the word silently to myself and made a mental note to read more up on it if I could. Bones finished his exam on my spine and walked back around to face me. I was silent for a few more minutes as he checked the dilation of my pupils and the reflexes in my knees.

"All right, well you seem perfectly fine on the outside, but I'm gonna have to take a blood sample and give you a couple of vaccines before I can let you walk around out there with everybody else." I nodded again.

"Do you mind if I lay down? Blood draws always make me a little dizzy." He nodded and told me he'd be right back. I lay down against the soft padding of the bed, laced my fingers together over my stomach and closed my eyes.

_What on earth am I going to do? I have no training whatsoever for outer space travel, certainly no specific skill set that could be of any use. But I also know nothing about this time. Would I even be able to make it if they took me back to earth? I know no one, have no money. Maybe being up here would be better; at least the few people I have met have been civil and seem like they're willing to help._

"Hey, you haven't fallen asleep on me have you?"

I turned to look at Bones, my heart racing from his sudden appearance and I swallowed the yelp that almost escaped from my mouth.

"Sorry, just thinking." He was holding four silver cylinders in his hand as he adjusted the lamp that was over my head.

"Well you've certainly got a lot to think about." Three of the cylinders he was carrying got set down beside me on the bed and he pulled my right arm up gently and started to roll the sleeve of my shirt up over the bend of my elbow.

"By the way, I never got to ask, but you said you had a military background right?" His eyes were set on my arm, looking for a vein and just as he put the cylinder to my skin the door to the room opened. We both glanced over to see the captain and Spock walk in, the former had a grin spread wide across his face as he approached us and he clapped Bones on the shoulder, earning a glare from the doctor before he started studying my skin again, looking for the vein he had just lost.

"Good news, they were a little iffy about the back story, but Starfleet is allowing us to keep Leila on board," he turned quickly and pointed at me, "as long as you want to stay of course?" I licked my lips and nodded slowly, deciding then that the prospect of going back to Earth alone was far more frightening.

"As long as you'll have me, although I'm not really sure of how much use I'll be." He waved a hand dismissively as he stood at the foot of the bed and Spock came up around him to my other side.

"There's always something to do around here, don't worry, once Bones gets you all fixed up here I'll show you where you'll be staying." He looked from me to Bones. "They did want a blood sample though, since we have no record of her to go by."

Without even looking up from my arm Bones pressed the cylinder to my skin again and snapped, "Well give me five minutes to do my damn job and you'll have your sample." I felt a small sting from the device and I took a few deep breaths to keep myself steady, which must have reminded the doctor that I was still in the room with them because he pulled the vial of blood from the cylinder, looked at it quizzically and then regarded me once more.

"You never answered my question. You were in the military?"

My skin flushed, although I couldn't tell if it was from the sudden drop in blood pressure or because all three of the men looked to me inquisitively.

"I was in the Air Force, started right out of high school and stayed until I was finished with college, my focus was computer security and information and tactical defense. Basically I kept the bad guys from getting the good guys' secrets."

"What was your rank?" I could tell the look on the captain's face was one of surprise, and I smiled softly before I felt Bones push another cylinder against my skin, this time in to the muscle; he did the same in different spots on my arm for the remaining two vaccines as I continued talking.

"I was a second lieutenant at age twenty-one, and first lieutenant by twenty-three. Once I left I started working for a major computer manufacturer, monitoring their firewall and creating encryption software in their IT department."

"Proficiency with computers is quite a valuable asset aboard the Enterprise, Miss Parvin, it would be unnecessary to doubt your importance here, despite the blatant cultural gap you must be experiencing." Spock looked down to me and I sighed, realizing my insistence that he use my first name was falling on deaf ears; I sat up to put myself on a more level playing field and looked him right in the eye.

"While that may be true Mr. Spock, technology has an inherent way of becoming tremendously advanced and complex quite quickly. I am from almost two hundred and forty six years in the past and I can only imagine what your operating system must be like on a ship such as this; even if I can learn it in haste that does not change the fact that I will be acclimating to an entirely different program completely from scratch. I am sure there is no precedent for this and certainly no training manual for someone like me. I am more than willing to give it a try, but I am still going to allow myself to be a bit nervous while I work through the kinks."

I could tell I had surprised him, because despite how slight the emotion was, the look on his face strained credulity at best, shock at worst. Clearly he wasn't used to someone conveying their thoughts as plainly or unrefined as I just had and when I swung my legs over the side of the bed I could see a small smirk on Dr. McCoy's face, which only confirmed my resolve.

"Is there anything else you need from me doctor?" He shook his head, a knowing smile on his lips.

"All right," I turned to the captain, "shall we?"

He paused long enough to give Spock a look and then flashed me a toothy grin.

"Absolutely, let's go."

The walk from the Med-Bay to my room was just as long and confusing as my previous journey, but Captain Kirk, or James Tiberius Kirk, as he proclaimed, was animated and loquacious enough to keep me from losing my mind (or fall asleep standing up) during the trip.

"I hope you don't get too offended when I say this, but, you're awfully young to be a captain." He chuckled a little bit as he directed me through an archway into a long, open hallway.

"No, no it's all right, it was all kind of by accident, well, an accident and little bit of manipulation, I'll have to tell you about it sometime. Short version is the original captain, Christopher Pike, left Spock as acting captain and me as commander during an assault on the ship but after Spock's mother got killed he resigned the position to me. Captain Pike was murdered last year, leaving me as captain, naturally I wanted Spock as my first officer, or commander, if you prefer; and so that's where we're at now."

We stopped in front of a door and I immediately could feel the remorse creeping through my mind.

_So much death has happened to these people and here I am snapping at a man I don't even know because he won't use my first name. _

"I'm sorry captain."

"Ah, no need to apologize. Here," he turned his attention to the door, "just press down on this key here to open the door." I followed the instruction and walked in, stepping aside to let him walk through the door. The room was spacious and bright, given the large window on the opposite wall, I could see a bathroom and a closet to my left; the sight of the large bed had me practically falling over.

"Everything is linked to a computer and is voice activated, if you want to shut the blinds or call one of us, just say the command; there are clothes in the closet there, just let me know if you need a different size." He turned to me, his hands on his hips.

"Thank you, for everything, you've been far too kind." I was practically ogling the bed as I looked up to him and muttered my thanks. He must have sensed I was exhausted because he smiled and walked towards the open door.

"Don't worry about it, when you wake up I'll have someone bring you to the bridge where you'll be working, just until you get use to the ship. Now get some sleep."

The sound of the door closing confirmed Captain Kirk's departure and while I wanted to look around the room a bit more, the idea of crawling up under the covers of the bed was too tempting. I pulled my shoes and jeans off before settling in the warm blanket, my mind already drifting; I was just lucid enough to tell the computer to shut the blinds before sleep overtook me.

* * *

The next morning (or at least after a full nine hours of sleep; it's hard keeping track of days when the sun doesn't set) I woke up in a calm haze, realizing as I stared up at the dark ceiling that yesterday hadn't been a dream, which was only confirmed when I opened the blinds in front of the window. It was strange realizing that not only were yesterday's events real, but I hadn't dreamt at all while I was sleeping, something that hadn't happened to me in almost seven years. Feeling energized for what lay ahead I looked around the room and noticed with a delight that my bag had survived the journey here with me. I wasn't sure how it got here but as I rummaged through it I noted that everything was still intact; astonishing, seeing as how rough it was getting here. I pulled out my camera, which I wasn't surprised to see wouldn't turn on; the poor thing had probably been fried, along with my phone, and set both items on the desk in front of me. Make up, a zip-up hoodie, a map of Paris, and my wallet were pulled out one at a time and set down on the desk as well.

_Not much, but at least it's something._

Pushing down the melancholy thoughts of home and my family as I walked in to the bathroom, I stripped off the rest of my clothes and turned the water on as hot as I could stand it. The soap and shampoo smelled like fresh apples as I scrubbed myself down; making me realize that I hadn't eaten anything in probably close to twenty four hours and my stomach rumbled at the sweet smell. After I had rinsed off and wrapped a towel around my head I stepped out in to the cool room, the water droplets running off my skin and making me shiver in the cool air. The closet doors slid open and inside were several red dresses and shirts, both short and long sleeve, as well as black fitted pants and long sleeved black shirts; a pair of black boots, black athletic shoes and under clothes sat on a small dresser beneath the clothing.

Dressing quickly in a long sleeve red dress I was suddenly aware of how nervous I had become. Here I was, in outer space with a ship full of people I didn't know, about to work beneath a captain I had never worked with doing lord knows what kind of work.

_Leila, you've adapted to shittier situations in your life, you'll be fine; now just shut up and dry your hair._

I dried my hair as quickly as I could and at the last minute decided to leave it down; I threw on a little bit of eye make-up and glanced in to the mirror beside the closet, taking in the strange site. My dark hair reached down in thick layers to my waist, curling slightly; it played surprisingly well against the deep red of the dress. The light green color of my eyes popped against the dark make-up and my skin, while I knew it wouldn't last long up here, had been tanned evenly from the European sun. All in all I looked completely normal, save for the uniform, but internally it felt like a revolution. Breathing in deep and satisfied by my reflection, I opened the door and found the same man from yesterday, Chekov, sitting on a bench a few feet down the hall. Upon seeing me he stood up, rubbed his hands down the front of his pants, and walked over to me.

"Good morning Miss Parvin." I smiled lightly but I could feel my eyes tightening with curiosity.

"Good morning Mr. Chekov, have you been sitting there long?" He shifted his gaze back to the bench before quickly turning to me, a relaxed grin on his face.

"No, no, only a few minutes; I vas vaiting to take you up to the bridge, like the Captain said."

We stood there in silence for a few seconds before I laughed and gestured with my hand for him to lead the way.

"Well, let's go."

The younger man jumped a bit before turning and walking down the hall, his long legs making big strides that I had to power walk to match. We reached the end of the long hallway and stopped in front of a rounded door, set in the corner of two intersecting halls. Chekov pushed a button on the side wall and the doors opened, separating down the middle.

_Just like an elevator._

My breath hitched as I stopped suddenly and I cleared my throat to get the man's attention.

"Mr. Chekov, do you mind if we take the stairs, lifts make me a bit nervous."

The look I received was one of bafflement but he acquiesced with a silent nod before starting through a door a few feet away. The stairs spiraled upward for what felt like a solid ten minutes and part of me silently prayed that I wouldn't be getting Chekov in to trouble with my delay. We finally reached the door that was our destination and he held it open for me as I walked through in to a crowded and active vestibule. Dozens of people in red, gold and blue shirts were hurrying to and fro, carrying small cell-phone like devices or piles of paperwork or clear tablets which they were typing in to furiously. I felt a light tap on my shoulder and noticed Chekov to my right; he inclined his head down the hall.

"This vay."

We only went a few feet before another double set of doors was in front of us and I was worried that I might have to end up taking a lift regardless but when we reached the entryway and he put in a short code, Chekov walked through into a large open room, announcing our arrival. I followed quietly and noticed to my left and right that the entire back wall was lined with computers and panels, nearly every one of them filled with someone inputting information or powering up what sounded like a communication line. Directly in front of me was a large glass pane displaying an information feed containing coordinates and constellations across its face. I followed Chekov around the glass station and watched as he tapped on the captain's shoulder and pointed to me before sitting down at a long station in front of another great window; the view of space capturing my attention for a moment.

The captain had been sitting in a broad, white chair in the center of the room conversing with Spock, both of whom had now turned their attention to me. Captain Kirk sprung up from his chair and rubbed his hands together as he and Spock walked up the small set of stairs towards me.

"Captain; Commander." I acknowledged both of the men with a nod.

"Lieutenant." Spock greeted me first, and even though it had been a while since I had gone by the title, and admittedly it sounded strange hearing it again, I didn't correct him; he was my superior officer after all. I smiled warmly to let him know I was going to be on my best behavior. His dark eyes regarded me for a long moment before Captain Kirk greeted me and launched in to the schedule the ship's day and night workers follow as well as when the shifts change. The two of them steered me back around the glass console to a station just left of the door where another woman in a short-sleeved red dress was seated.

"Leila this is Lieutenant Marie Cross, she's going to be going over a few things with you, helping you get the hang of everything, showing you around, things like that. Once you start to feel more comfortable, let me know, I've got something big planned that I might need your help with." He clapped me on the shoulder and winked before turning to the blonde woman, who stood and smiled radiantly at us; leaving me puzzled as to what he could be referring to.

"Marie, this is Leila, the woman I was telling you about, make sure you take real good care of her." The petite woman shook my hand and assured the captain that everything would be fine; my eyes trailed the two men as they retreated back to their stations before I turned to take a seat in the chair next to Marie. She seemed to be practically bouncing in her seat and I could tell that she was antsy to ask me some questions as we settled in.

"So, is it true? You're really from the past?" She was whispering, her head bowed toward me, which I appreciated; I wasn't naïve enough to think that the ship's crew wouldn't know about me eventually, but I wasn't exactly ready to shout it out in the middle of a crowded room. I nodded in confirmation and her eyes widened.

"Oh my gosh, that's so amazing! What's it like? Did you drive your cars on the road? How did you cook your food? Did you travel a lot?" My smile was genuine at the woman's curiosity, but her barrages of questions were coming faster than I could answer and I held my hand up to stop her.

"Whoa, whoa, you've got to slow down." She grinned sheepishly at me.

"Sorry, it's just…that's so amazing!" I laughed and nodded.

"Believe me; no one thinks that more than I do. I have an idea though, why don't you show me how this system operates and I'll answer your questions as we go. I've got quite a bit of catching up to do."

Marie nodded hastily, hurling right in to what she had been working on at the moment, ship to ship transference and maintaining open lines of communication, should a nearby planet send out a signal of distress or warning. She spent most of the morning teaching me the computer's main functions as well as how to read certain output signals and monitors from other parts of the ship. The system seemed pretty basic in that you tell it what to do and the ship responds, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that, just like the technology I was used to, most of the work came from memorizing where all of the control switches were located. The hardest part was filtering through all of the different systems within the main server to find out which one you needed in order to perform a certain function. I was so engrossed in what Marie was going through that the few hours we had been sitting there flew by in what felt like minutes.

"Oh my goodness, we've been here nearly four hours!" She glanced from the small watch on her wrist to me. "Are you ready to take a break? I'm famished."

"Absolutely, I've not eaten anything yet." We both stood up and stretched ourselves out before Marie led us out into the busy hallway again, unlike Mr. Chekov her pace was much slower, which I was very grateful for.

"What are those tablets they're holding?" I pointed to a group of men and women in blue shirts that were bustling by; all of them looking down at the devices in their hands as they conversed between one another.

"Oh, those are called PADD's. We use them to record and look up information. Very handy to have on an exploratory mission like this, they're light weight and very quick to operate."

_Hmmm, sounds a lot like an iPad or cell phone._

"What kind of information do they relay?" I followed her up a set of stairs and into a large, open mess hall and she turned to me with a smile.

"Any kind you want."

Once we found a table and sat down to eat, I began asking Marie a few more questions about the Enterprise; if there was a library or a gym, or how in the world she manages to find her way around this maze of a ship. We talked easily and I found that I was really enjoying myself, despite the fact that only a day ago my world had been completely and entirely altered. My uplifted mood held strong as Captain Kirk and Commander Spock spotted us and made their way over to our table.

"Ladies, how ya doing?"

The captain smiled between the two of us as he sat down next to Marie, who returned his smile with a dazzling one of her own.

_She is totally enamored with him._

I chuckled lightly at the thought; I was sure the captain was harmless, but he seemed to be a bit of a lady's man.

"Spock, take a seat so we can enjoy lunch with these two beautiful ladies."

I felt Spock to my right when they had walked up to the table, his presence was warm, silent, and oddly comforting, but it wasn't until that moment that I actually looked up at his tall form; his face was emotionless as he looked from Jim down to me but the look in his eyes softened just a touch.

"May I sit with you?"

For a few seconds all I did was stare back up at him, his dark eyes bore in to mine and for the first time I noticed just how defined his features were, how lithe and subtly strong his frame looked and that unshakeable feeling of familiarity crept up on me again; I had to strain to keep myself from asking him if we had ever met before.

_Leila, are you going to answer the man's question or just stare at him all day long?_

Reddening slightly at the realization that I had been staring, I gestured to the chair next to me.

"Of course."

In one swift movement he set down his food and settled in to the seat next to me; and just as his voice had affected me, I noticed that being in close physical proximity to him had me relaxing marginally in my own chair.

"So, Leila, how is everything going? Marie hasn't confused you too much has she?" Captain Kirk leaned back in his chair and linked his hands together behind his head, winking at Marie before he glanced back to me.

"It's just the opposite captain, Lieutenant Cross has been an enormous help; I was concerned since there is quite a bit to absorb but she's been a great teacher." He grabbed an apple off the table and took a bite before leaning in to the chair again, tipping back on to two legs.

"Good, good, you'll be a pro in no time. You know, I gotta be honest; I'm surprised at how well you've adjusted to all of this. " He whirled a finger around the space, "I figured you'd be an emotional wreck right now."

I tilted my head slightly. "Why would you think that captain?" He shrugged, another piece of his apple disappeared.

"Because most people would be."

Leaning my forearms on to the table I furrowed my eyebrows at him and sighed deeply.

"You and Dr. McCoy seem to have little faith in the human species Captain Kirk; some of us can be quite adaptable." I paused and smiled ironically, resting my chin in my hand. "Let me ask you something, if I had woken up on this ship and started lashing out at everyone, demanding that you find a way to take me home, would you have listened? Would we be sitting here now having this conversation?"

He blinked slowly, never moving from his spot.

"No, I probably would have had you restrained and put in the Med-Bay."

"Exactly; which would have gained me nothing seeing as there's nothing you can do about my current predicament. Yes, eventually I would calm down and you may have kept me on the ship, but most likely my alienation of everyone would have forced you to take me back to Earth, where I have absolutely nothing waiting for me and which would have also halted your mission; I do not wish to cause you trouble like that. Besides, every single person I've met since I've come aboard has been nothing if not gracious and understanding; it's only logical to me that I repay that courtesy in kind."

Spock shifted in his seat; a pleased sort of look was painted on his face when I looked towards him.

"I must say Miss Parvin that I am quite impressed, not only with the deductions that you have made but with your propensity for reasoning and logic as well. It is," he glanced between Jim and I, ", how you would put it captain, refreshing, to have another person on board who also holds those values in high regard."

Captain Kirk's mouth gaped slightly while Marie's eyebrows flew up in to her hairline; a reaction that I openly laughed at.

"Spock did you…did you just give someone a compliment?" The captain's chair fell forward on to all four legs with a loud thud, making Marie and I jump slightly in our seats.

"That was my intent Captain. Why? Do you feel that the compliment is misplaced?"

"No, it's just…"

"Thank you, commander; I appreciate the sentiment." I cut in before the captain could finish his sentence; clearly a compliment from Spock was rare and I could tell that he was hiding his amusement at the captain's surprised reaction.

_He certainly hides it well._

Spock inclined his head gracefully, but I could see the faintest trace of a smirk at the corner of his mouth.

A few moments of silence passed before I felt Marie's foot lightly tap the toe of my boot and when I looked over to her she had that 'let's leave so they can work it out' look on her face; I smirked and nodded my head.

"This has been lovely gentleman, but I'm sure Marie has quite a bit more to teach me, so we better get to it."

We bid our goodbyes to the two men and made our way back to the bridge, laughing between ourselves at the strange interaction for the rest of our shift; which admittedly took a bit longer than it should have due to my unbridled interest in working with the ship's system. When the next shift's workers came through the bridge door I apologized profusely to Marie.

"Sorry for holding you up, all of this is just so incredible. Feel free to smack me tomorrow if I take too long again." She stood up and brushed the wrinkles out of her dress as she gave me a strange look.

"Don't worry about it; honestly it's been a blast working with you today, do you think you can find your way back if I go ahead and go?"

Nodding quickly she flashed me another smile before she waved goodbye as she headed out in to the hall. I stood slowly and stretched my arms over my head when I heard someone say my name.

"…you need to bring Leila with you too."

My hair flew over my shoulder as I whipped my head around to look for the source of the noise and I could see Captain Kirk standing near his chair, one of the comm's in his hand and his eyes fixed on me. He waved me over, a perplexed look on his face.

"Captain?" In a rush I turned the corner and stepped down next to him.

"Yes, Leila, Bones needs to see us in the Med-Bay, are you and Marie done for the day?" I nodded and once the helm had been transferred over to the second crew the captain escorted me out of the bridge and down the hall. We rounded a sharp corner and took a small flight of stairs down one level when someone called for Captain Kirk. We both stopped to look around for the person and my eyes locked on to a tall form standing half way down the hall, walking towards us.

"Captain, I received a page from Dr. McCoy, he has requested our…"

"I know Spock he paged me too; he wanted me to bring Leila so we should probably hurry up."

The three of us walked in silence and I couldn't stop my mind from reeling about what Bones might want with all three of us; surely if something was wrong he would come directly to one of us.

_Maybe he found something wrong with my blood; I'm not from this time so what do I do if I'm sick? If I am what if they don't have a cure?_

By the time we reached the door to the Med-Bay I could feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest and I folded my arms across myself to keep my hands from shaking; I felt like a frayed bundle of nerves. The door opened and I paused momentarily before following Jim and Spock in. Taking a few, long breaths I walked in and saw Bones sitting on the edge of his desk, a PADD in his hands; he stood quickly when we reached him.

"About time." His tone was somber and I tightened my arms across my chest, as if somehow I could keep myself together by their strength alone.

"All right you've got us all here Bones, what did you need?" Kirk asked, exasperated. The doctor's gaze flickered briefly to me before he rounded his desk and leaned forward on it, his hands rounded in to fists.

"It would seem," he spoke slowly, "in some roundabout way that I have found the record for Leila that Starfleet had been asking for." The full weight of his gaze turned to me and I had to physically stop myself from backing away towards the door. "There is certainly more to you than meets the eye."

I swallowed hard, thoughts running furiously through my mind as to what he could have found out about me.

"Bones, enough with the cryptic remarks, what the hell did you find?" Jim shifted his weight from one foot to the other, impatience coloring his face. Bones let out a deep sigh and stood up straight.

"She's not human, well…not entirely anyway." I could feel both Jim and Spock's gazes settle on me, but my eyes were focused on the doctor.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? If I'm not _entirely_ human, then what else could I be?" My heartbeat steadied a little bit as my mind tried to process the utter ridiculousness that was being told to me; Bones shook his head, a deprecating smile on his face.

"You don't know who your real parents are, do you?"

It was then that I felt my heart stop.

"N…no, I don't. I know I was adopted shortly after I was born but there was no record on either my birth mother or father; believe me, I tried to find something, anything that could tell me who they were, but there was nothing; it was like they had just vanished in to thin air." Bones let out a dry, humorless laugh.

"Not quite; your father may very well have, all I know is that he was human, but other than that there's no mention of him. Your mother on the other hand, up until a couple of years ago, was alive and well."

My eyes widened; I knew that the shock was clearly written all over my face.

_Alive? That's not possible. _Another small voice inside my head said, _time traveling wasn't supposed to be possible either, remember how that one turned out?_

"What?" I squeaked the word out in a small voice. "What happened to her?"

Bones' face darkened. "Now this is where it gets interesting; your mother, her name was Salin…"

I heard a sharp intake of breath from one of the two men standing next to me but I was too focused on what Bones was saying to figure out which one it had come from.

"By the record your grandparents gave, it sounds like one day she just disappeared from her home planet, vanished, no trace of her was found, no letter, nothing; she was only a few years younger than you are right now. They tried searching for her for almost a full year before they realized it was pointless." Bones dragged a hand down his face and he waited nearly a full minute before delving back in to his explanation.

"Almost four years had passed and your grandparents had resigned themselves to the fact that she was probably dead, no one had seen so much as a glimpse of her. Then, one day, after a particularly rough storm had raged across her planet, a young boy wondering around the grounds behind his home found a woman's body at the bottom of the hill; she was unconscious, but alive."

My arms fell, feeling suddenly heavier than they had moments before and I spoke, my voice barely above a whisper.

"My mother."

Bones nodded.

"It seems like bad luck runs in your DNA; when she was revived and able to re-tell the events of what had happened to her…well, it's a bit hard to believe. Her parents even had a hard time believing her, since as far as we know nothing else like it had ever happened, until you."

I shook my head in an attempt to clear the muddled thoughts from my brain.

"Wait, are you saying she was struck by lightning too?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying; she also managed to travel through time just like you did, not just once, but twice. According to the report she gave, the first time she disappeared she wound up on Earth during the year nineteen eighty five, almost three years to the day before you were born. She somehow managed to survive despite the fact that she was only half human, a half human who had never even seen another planet before." Bones looked down at the PADD on his desk, swiping his finger through the information.

"She's a little unclear about the details of your birth, and it looks like after she returned home she never mentioned to either of her parents that she had you; it wasn't until after they filed the official report that she went back to change it without telling anyone; I guess she just wanted _someone _to know you existed."

I held my hand up to stop him from saying anything else, not trusting my voice.

_My mother was from this time, does that mean that technically I'm supposed to be from this time too? What are the odds that something like this happens, especially to people in the same family? _

I could feel my breathing speed up and I had to lean against the bed near me; not just to keep me from falling over, but to stabilize me mentally, remind me that I was still here on solid ground.

_But you're not on solid ground; you're in the middle of space; being told the most intimate details of a past you never thought you had._

My hand wrapped firmly around my mouth and before I could stop myself a sob shuddered through me; I blinked my eyes rapidly to keep the tears from running down my face and I could feel the acid in my stomach turn. Jim moved to walk towards me, his arms extended as if he meant to embrace me but before he could get too close I held my other hand out firmly in front of me, shaking my head. He halted and I focused inwardly on bringing my breathing rate down so I wouldn't black out. After a few more moments I was able to bring my hand down from my mouth and I turned to look at Bones.

"You matched the DNA in my blood to hers? You're sure it's my mother?"

He sighed.

"I matched it to hers and to your grandparents, it's definitely her; I double and triple checked."

Glancing over to Jim and Spock I noticed Jim's jaw was set tight, and the look on his face as he stared at me was heart-breaking. It was the look you got when you came downstairs on Christmas morning and you realize the bicycle under the tree is for your older brother. It was a slight consolation knowing that he was on my side, but I was still having a hard time grasping all of what Bones had told me. It was harder to gauge Spock's reaction, as he was staring down at the floor, his face partially hidden from my view, but after a few moments he glanced up to Bones.

"Doctor, I do believe that you have more information to give Leila." His dark gaze turned to me as he spoke. "You have failed to mention where her mother was from, as well as the events that led to her death."

By the look Bones gave the taller man, I could tell he was resistant to disclose what he had found; nevertheless, he turned his attention to me.

"A couple of years ago, the Enterprise got called in for a rescue mission after Starfleet received a distress signal from the planet Vulcan. A man by the name of Nero drilled a hole through the center of the planet and created a singularity within the core that basically consumed it from the inside out. Mr. Spock here was able to save a small portion of the population, including your grandparents; your mother," he turned to Spock quickly as he finished his sentence, "and Spock's mother were not so lucky."

Piecing together all of the information I had been told I was able to fill in the rest of the gaps Bones had left untouched; I looked to Spock.

"So, your home planet, Vulcan, was also my mother's home planet?" He took in a deep breath as he nodded. "Did you know her?" His brows were knit together and I took a step towards him, feeling the need for answers turn slowly into a growing desperation.

"She was one of only a few hybrid Vulcans to exist, and while I did not know her personally, I did know of her."

"So Bones, if Leila's mom was half Vulcan like Spock, what would that make Leila? Quarter Vulcan?" The captain gestured to me with a wave of his hand and Bones shook his head quickly.

"Vulcan blood doesn't dilute as easily as some others, although it does blend fairly well with human blood. Leila's DNA is around thirty percent Vulcan, maybe even as high as thirty three percent, but her hemoglobin levels are very high so it appears red, which is why it took me a while to figure it out; it's probably also why her ears look normal." He turned towards me. "In case you were wondering."

I sighed deeply, my hands on my hips.

"Is this going to cause any sort of problem while I'm here?" I looked towards the captain as I spoke and he shook his head rapidly.

"Not at all; I mean, my first officer is half Vulcan, so it's really not going to make any difference to me having another on board. I just think it's a lot to dump on you all at once." He gave Bones a harsh look, who merely raised an eyebrow in return.

"Ok, well if we're finished here, I'm going to go back up to the mess hall, I promised Marie earlier that I'd have dinner with her." I turned and made my way towards the end of the room and I could hear footsteps behind me.

"Leila, wait, don't you wanna…" Jim grasped my wrist and I turned back, my face was impassive but I could feel myself losing patience.

"No, captain, I don't, but thanks for the concern." I pulled against his hold and he released me as the doors open. Making my way down the hall I ran my hands through my hair, gripping it at the scalp.

_Well, there you go Leila; you wanted to know about your family, maybe you'll be a bit more careful about what you wish for next time._

I could hear another set of footsteps following me, but they were much quieter and decidedly more even than the captain's; a warm, tingling sensation made its way up the back of my neck and I spoke without even turning.

"Spock, I really don't feel like discussing this right now." I glanced over my shoulder and found that he was much closer than I had thought; there may have been a mere foot between us. I turned to give him my full attention as he furrowed his eyebrows at me again.

"Forgive me Leila, I did not wish to intrude or force conversation upon you, I merely wanted to extend to you my help. Should you ever want any information regarding what has been told to you today, I would be more than willing to answer any questions you may have." My frustration dissipated slightly at his succinct explanation.

"Thank you, Spock; I'll keep that in mind."

I turned quickly before he could say anything else and continued walking down the hall, feeling his gaze follow me until I was out of sight.


	4. A Discussion

**So this is just a short little tid-bit of a chapter, just enough to get you guys through until the next one. There are some Spock/Leila feels in this one, just a little bit of a tease. ;) I hope you all enjoy.**

* * *

The next several days after the meeting in the Med-Bay sort of threaded together in a blur; not having a sunrise or sunset to pinpoint the time of day, or end of a work shift, was slightly disorienting and before I knew it nearly three weeks had passed. Luckily, to give me something to do, Marie had familiarized me with one of the ship's reading rooms, stating that it was the closest thing that the ship had to an actual library; and so I began burying myself in all of the material the PADD's had to offer, focusing mainly on the contents that had been occupying most of my waking mental thoughts, Vulcan history.

Admittedly, I had felt like a rabbit trapped in a cage for the first few days after Bones had revealed the details of my family history to me; scared, vulnerable, confused. I spent the whole first night talking myself out of screaming and throwing the fit that I had been yearning to throw (or throwing things against the walls of my room) and it took all of my mental strength to rein in the fervent emotions inhabiting my mind.

Bones and Jim hadn't helped in the slightest bit either.

Despite telling both of them multiple times throughout the day that I was just fine, they kept asking if I was all right, if there was anything that I needed. Jim would give me forlorn looks when I would decline his offers and would reiterate his point by stating that if I ever wanted to talk that he'd be there to listen, to whatever I had to say. I knew they meant well, and I appreciated that they understood that this threw a major wrench in the life that I had constructed for myself, but I was grown woman, I knew how to take care of myself.

Ironically, the one person whose company I could stand to be around was Spock; he hadn't once bothered me about anything that had happened to me since I had come aboard, and not only did he not ask me question after question about how I was feeling, he never appeared to be suppressing the desire to ask me anything either. More often than not, I found myself gravitating towards him while we were working together on the bridge, preferring to defer to him with any questions or problems I ran in to. Whether or not my preference had to do with our mutual heritage, our similar way of thinking, or the fact that I was beginning to find myself more at ease and comfortable in his presence, I wasn't sure.

I was sure, however, that reading about the past and culture of the endangered species that I shared blood relation to was only going to get me so far. I may be more rational, clear cut, and for lack of a better word, blunt, but I am also tenacious, and I wasn't about to resign myself to the knowledge that written history could give me.

No, I needed firsthand experience, an account from someone who knew what they were talking about, and luckily for me, that someone was sitting less than two feet away.

The day had passed by in a relatively quiet manner; we had been journeying through a small part of uninhabited space and at this point I was practically on autopilot while on duty, having learned my job functions in a relatively short amount of time. Jim had me monitoring for enemy ships and strengthening the computer's internal defenses and shields, probably not only to utilize my knowledge of computer protection, but to keep me from being bored out of my mind while we waited for a new planet to discover. I had ventured out for dinner by myself, my awareness of the ship's layout had improved significantly over the past couple of weeks, and before my brain caught up with my body's actions I found myself sitting down opposite of the ship's first officer, making light chatter about the next day's events.

"Do you think we will find something soon?" Spock looked up from his food, his dark eyes calm as he took in my question.

"I am not sure. The mission we have been assigned is exploratory, not much is known about certain quadrants of space and certain planets have never been studied at all; I can, at most, guess."

I nodded and breathed in deeply, suddenly apprehensive about asking him for his help. Perhaps he didn't like talking about it; he had lost his mother and nearly the entire population of his home planet in a single day, I wouldn't want to talk about it either.

_Don't forget, it's not only his loss, you lost your mother as well; and had things been a bit different you would have shared a home planet._

I entertained that thought for a moment; the idea that had my mother stayed put and started a family on Vulcan, Spock and I might have known each other before now. Thinking a bit deeper in to it I reasoned that perhaps our shared ancestry was why I felt so comfortable around him, why he seemed so familiar to me. I cleared my throat and looked back to him sheepishly.

"Commander I have a question for you. I have been perusing information regarding Vulcan, its culture and history, things of that nature, for several days now; but I am having a hard time grasping what it must have really been like on the planet. I was curious to know if you would be available to speak more about it with me tonight. I have been reading in rec room four, but we could meet anywhere you would like, if you are free." His posture and facial expression was unreadable, but he nodded his head and his eyes brightened as he spoke.

"Of course, I will meet you in recreation room four shortly after my meeting on the bridge with Captain Kirk." I smiled brightly as he gathered his things to leave.

"Thank you sir."

We exchanged good byes and once I had finished my meal I meandered lazily around the ship to kill some time. Winding my way through the long, bright hall ways I found the door to the rec room and stood in front of it as it slid open, the lights coming on automatically inside. I sat down at a small table in front of the farthest window and powered up the PADD that was sitting there, filtering through the information I had saved. My mind buzzed with unanswered questions as I re-read through the files on Vulcan's destruction at Nero's hands and a flash of anger whipped across the front of my conscience as I thought of the man's ruthless and insensitive actions against the peaceful planet. Resting the PADD against my bended knee with my right hand, I brought the other up to my face, flexing it defensively in an attempt to get rid of the agitated energy before leaning on my elbow and resting my mouth against the skin of my knuckles.

"It is a curious thing…"

I was ripped sharply from my reverie as I turned to see Spock standing just inside of the doorway, his hands relaxed at his sides. My eyes followed him as he closed the remaining distance between us, his strides long and powerful and the ease and gracefulness with which he slid himself in to the chair opposite of me reminded me of the silky, smooth movements of a cat. I swallowed hard as he rested his hands on the arms of the chair and planted his feet firmly on the floor; he looked powerful, yet coolly self-possessed, a strange paradox of two very different mental states and it was like seeing living proof that water and oil could mix together.

"What is curious?" I uncrossed my legs and set the PADD on the table; he held my gaze as he spoke.

"You are of only one-third Vulcan descent, you were brought up on Earth, yet you show mental tenacity, reasoning and strength of will that is resoundingly Vulcan. It is curious to me that despite being brought up by two human parents, these qualities run as deep in your mind as they do." He paused, as if he thought I might say something, but I couldn't bring even a single syllable past my lips. I could barely understand the sudden shift in events that had transpired during my tenure on the ship, let alone the machinations of Vulcan-Human biology and mental health.

I could tell he had sensed that I wasn't going to say anything because he took in a deep breath; an action that caused me to have to strain to focus on his face, rather than to watch the way his chest swelled with air.

"You were already angered when I entered the room were you not?"

My eyebrows furrowed sharply as I nodded my head.

"I was, apparently I must not have been hiding it as well as I thought; most others don't notice when I am upset."

"It is a common practice for Vulcans to pick up on the subtle nuances of emotions in others, particularly in other Vulcans; you do not normally close your hands in to fists nor are the muscles in your arms and shoulders usually tense while you are seated." I nodded and he continued. "Would it be impolite for me to inquire as to what was upsetting you?"

I shook my head and shifted in my seat. "Not at all, but I am afraid it doesn't make much sense." His head titled to the left slightly and his eyes narrowed. Sighing I looked down to the PADD on the table.

"I was reviewing the case information on Vulcan the day Nero had it destroyed and while I was re-reading through the number of casualties I couldn't help but feel a…surge of anger towards him. I've never even met him and I have never lived on Vulcan; hell, you are the only person from Vulcan that I know, I should not be affected so deeply by something when I was not there to experience it first-hand." When his face relaxed again I noticed that his eyes softened.

"It is natural to feel anger when family members are threatened; the fact that you did not know your mother obviously did not change the feelings of protectiveness you would have normally felt for her, had you grown up on Vulcan."

His logic made sense, but talking about my mother and the incident again wasn't something I had planned on discussing tonight; I really didn't want to deal with those emotions right now.

"What was Vulcan like?" At my sudden question he leaned forward easily and swiped a long, slender finger expertly across the PADD's face; I tipped forward in my own chair as he turned it towards me. I gazed down at a scene of what looked to be a desert, sweeping my own fingers across the screen to look at each of the pictures as he spoke.

"It was, in a sense, quite similar to the deserts of Earth that you would have been used to; dry, arid, the terrain was composed mostly of rough, red rock and mountain ranges, but small areas were used to preserve wilderness. There were not seasons, as there are on Earth, and it was significantly warmer than Earth's surface due to its thin atmosphere. The surface gravity was nearly three times that of Earth, most humans tired quickly when they visited; conversely Vulcans have no problems while on other planets due to these factors." Without even looking up from the PADD I asked my next question.

"Now, that it's been destroyed, where are the surviving Vulcans living?" I was focused on one picture in particular, zooming in on the image.

"An established colony is already located on an M-class planet named New Vulcan. It is similar in many ways to the original planet, with the exception of its temperature; it is twenty one point three degrees cooler on its surface."

"Will we be visiting New Vulcan during our travels?" He was quiet for a moment and when I tilted my head upward to look up at him through my eyelashes I was almost startled by his closeness, his face was less than a foot from my own due to him having leaned over the table; he seemed to be looking past me though, as if he were lost in thought. More silent moments passed between the two of us and that same warm, prickling sensation crawled up my shoulders and neck as I looked at him. It felt like someone had put a warm arm around me and squeezed; I felt a pulling sensation, like the invisible arm was trying to pull me from my chair and the tension in my shoulders and arms was becoming uncomfortable.

I tensed harder to keep myself from falling forward; my hands gripping the edge of the chair and just when I thought I was going to fall face first in to the table, Spock's gaze shifted to meet mine.

I snapped back in to my body as the pulling sensation suddenly ceased and I would have fallen back harshly in to the chair from the exertion, had his stare not pinned me where I was.

"I do not know. As of right now there is no need, although I must admit, I would like to see it." My throat was dry as I swallowed and I could have sworn he leaned imperceptibly closer to me.

"You've never been?" The pitch of my voice heightened as I broke eye contact first to look back down to the PADD; not that I had any real need to, but his closeness alone was distracting, never mind the unabashed look in his eyes as he regarded me.

"I have not, I have never found an appropriate time to do so." My eyes flickered back up to his face, and I had to force myself to actually look at him.

"I think I would like to see it too." His brows raised a fraction higher and his gaze ran over every inch of my face before resting briefly on the exposed skin of my neck, an action that felt more intimate than if he had been staring at me while completely nude.

"I believe you would fit in quite well."

He sounded far away as he met my eyes again, but just as I went to open my mouth to speak again, I heard a ringing. Spock closed his eyes briefly before leaning back to reach in to his pants pocket, pulling out a comm. I straightened in my chair as he flipped the small device open to speak in to it.

"Yes captain?"

"Spock! Sorry to bother you man, I know you just left, but we've run in to something and I need your help up here."

"Of course captain, I will be there momentarily." He closed the comm and stood to put it back in to his pocket before rounding the table, looking down to me as I stood up. "I apologize Leila; we will have to continue this at a different time." My smile was slight but I nodded.

"No problem, I…" Just as I went to say goodnight I felt a sudden jolt beneath my feet. The entire ship lurched back and forth abruptly and I could feel myself starting to fall backwards. I grasped the edge of the chair with my left hand to steady myself and just as I pulled myself forward to brace against the rocking, the ship titled once more, throwing me forward and right in to Spock's path.

His reflexes were quick as he caught me, one hand around my forearm, the other around my waist. He tried to steady me but our equilibrium was thrown again as the ship rocked sharply and we both fell to the ground. The lights flickered on and off as I tried to push myself up off his chest, realizing, slightly embarrassed, that I had fallen on top of him; with a hand on either side of his torso I lifted myself up enough to look in to his face, puzzlement written on my face as to what had happened to the ship.

_That was strange; I hope he's all right._

I was looking around, stunned, as the lights flicked off, this time staying off. The emergency lights out in the hallway illuminated the inside of the room just enough for me to see his face and the unmistakable feeling of being watched snuck up on me.

No, not being watched; it was more invasive than that. Like there was another presence with me, someone skirting around the inside of my mind and I could feel my mental walls go up.

_I am well; I would ask that you stand now though please; I must get to the bridge and assist Captain Kirk._

My eyes narrowed and my mouth opened slightly as the realization that he hadn't used his mouth to speak had dawned on me.

_Wha-what?_

I trailed my sight down his chest, to his arms, and finally to his hands, which I just now realized were wrapped around the back of my elbows. The sight of his hands touching my skin reminded me of a bit of information I had found on the PADD that mentioned that Vulcans were touch-telepaths; in that their mental connection with another Vulcan, or any other species, intensified and allowed them to view thoughts and feel emotions of the individual they touched. Looking back up to his face I could tell that he knew I had pieced it together.

_Yes._

Quicker than was probably necessary, I pushed myself up off of him and straightened myself out while he stood.

"I am so sorry Spock, I completely let it slip that Vulcans don't like to be touched. " He held a hand out to stop me and I realized that the mentally invasive feeling I had experienced was gone as soon as we stopped touching. The lights turned back on as I stood up straight and closed my mouth quickly, secretly worried about what he might have seen during our brief exchange.

"There is no need to apologize; you could not have anticipated the ship's malfunction. Please, forgive me, I must see to the bridge or I would make sure you made it to your quarters safely." My mind was still racing over what had just happened and I had to shake my head to keep my attention focused.

"No, it's all right, I'll be fine." I passed him quickly and stopped in the doorway, fully intending to leave, but I stopped just short of the door and turned. "I will see you tomorrow." He inclined his head and I left, quickly turning the corner to fly up the stairs and down the hall to my room, my mind buzzing.


	5. Drifter

**Pardon my french, but this chapter was fucking HARD to write. I don't know why, but sheesh, hopefully you enjoy it though!**

* * *

To say my sleep suffered that night would be an understatement.

Tossing and turning, punching my pillows and ripping the covers off in sleepless fits I ran through earlier events in my head; replaying the same scene over and over again.

_Yes._

I could still feel the warmth of Spock's hands wrapped around my elbows, see the subtle way his chest rose and fell beneath my own and when I reminded myself of the distinct sensation of his conscious dancing around the edges of my mind, I shivered involuntarily.

It would chase a lie to try and convince myself that I didn't find him attractive; the surreptitiously controlled strength with which he carried himself was unlike any other person I had ever known; but the perceptive, sagacious look in his eyes when he stared at me made me feel like he could tell every deep, dark secret about me, without me having to say anything. I had never met another person who could make me feel so disarmed, so exposed without seemingly knowing that they're doing it.

Now I had last night's disaster to worry about.

The rational, reasoning part of my brain tried to convince me that it wasn't his fault; that he hadn't actively sought out to try and invade my thoughts; I was the one who fell in to him after all. But the primal, self-preserving side was running chaotically, straining to remember if he had seen things I had long since buried inside and I couldn't tell which side of my brain was going to win the argument. Running my hands over my face I glanced at the clock; 5:06 A.M.

Resigning myself to the fact that I wasn't going to be getting any sleep, I got up and got ready for the day, deciding then that maybe a walk around the ship would help clear my head; surely there was plenty of space I had left unexplored.

The hallway was vacant and quiet as I walked quietly down its length to the small spiral staircase Mr. Chekov had taken me through my second day here; but at the last second I decided to wind my way down rather than up, the routine of my venture giving way to my curiosity. I went down for several minutes, a small voice in my head reminding me that I was going to be upset with myself for having to make that extensive climb when it was time for me to go to the bridge, and after finally reaching the bottom I pushed open the white door, only to find myself in the belly of the ship.

Long, grey piping ran across the tall ceiling and down the walls, steam rising from their seams; I passed several large white tanks as my feet took me down the short set of stairs to the floor and when I rounded past one of them I started slightly.

About ten feet in front of me, a small goblin-like creature in a red uniform was sitting on top of a large orange pipe, reading an instruction manual.

Glancing around to check for anyone else I cleared my throat, trying to gain its attention, and the creature looked up at me with all-black eyes. He (at least I am guessing it was male) merely cocked his head at me before looking back down to the paper, one hand extended, a finger pointing to my right. I walked past the creature and rounded the corner, following the direction of his finger down the long corridor. At its end it opened up in to a massive, bright room, a large fixture anchored in the center of the floor. My mouth was gaping as I walked around it, looking up at its great height with reverential apprehension; my feet kept moving me in a circle around the edge of the structure and before I knew it, I collided with another person.

"Keenser, what did I tell ye about sneakin' about, hmm?" I turned just in time to see a gentleman in a red shirt whip around, his eyes cast low on my belly before they snapped back up to my face.

"Oh, you're not Keenser." The man's Scottish brogue was thick and pointed. "You look lost, what are ye doin' down 'ere?"

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I couldn't sleep so I decided to take a walk before I started my duties this morning." I looked around the large space quietly before I met his eyes again. "What is this place?"

He put his hands on his hips, a perplexed sort of look on his face.

"This, my dear, is the engineering deck. Most Enterprise personnel don't come down 'ere so I'm a little surprised ye were able to find it. Oh well, it's always nice seein' a friendly face." He extended his hand towards me. "Montgomery Scott, but you can call me Scotty." Shaking his hand I took in his round face, light brown hair and slight build, memorizing the name to the man.

"Leila Parvin, it's nice to meet you." We released our grip on each other's hands and I thrust a thumb in the direction of the large structure behind me. "What is that? It's absolutely enormous."

Scotty's step was positively peppy (especially for it being so early) as he walked past me to put a hand on the edge of the railing surrounding the fixture.

"It is a warp core, my dear; uses the energy from anti-matter annihilation to propel the ship forward faster than the speed of light!" His face was animated as he spoke, his hands gesturing wildly in the air and I couldn't help but be affected by his gregarious mood; I smiled and shook my head.

"So that's how you do it." My eyes trailed down the core to Scotty and in to the long corridor, the small creature from before standing there watching us. "And who is that?" I inclined my head towards it and Scotty turned.

"Ah, that is Keenser, my assistant. Keenser, get over 'ere!" All the creature did was stand there, his eyes narrowed.

"Now!"

More blank stares.

"Ah forget it, he's useless anyway." Scotty led me around the warp core to the front of the room and towards a desk; papers were scattered across its surface and there were several small trinkets, some finished, some broken, their parts strewn about the spare desk space. Scotty gestured to a chair next to the desk before sitting down in his own; I took a seat, my eyes surveying the cacophony of items on the flat surface.

"So, are ye a new recruit, I've never seen ye aboard before?"

Laughing softly I relaxed in to the chair. "Not quite, do you speak to Captain Kirk much? He may have told you the story." He wrinkled his eyebrows as he rolled a piece of paper between both hands.

"Story? Story…story? Oh, yes! You're the lass Chekov found on the observation deck! He told me all about it a couple of weeks ago when I saw him; gave him a right scare ye did!" I raised my brows and chuckled at Scotty's exasperated expression.

"No offense to , but he seems like the type that scares a bit easier than most."

"Aye, ye got that right. Poor guy is one big, nervous ball of energy; sharp as a tack he is though." He leaned forward on to the desk, his elbows resting on the edge. "So what happened exactly, Chekov was a little fuzzy on the details."

Retelling the story of how I made it aboard the Enterprise should have taken all of two minutes to tell, but Scotty was so eager in his questioning and so enthusiastic about the topic of time travel that our conversation quickly morphed in to a revelation about our shared passion for outer space. I mentioned to him that I had only ever read about it, distant galaxies, black holes, supernovas, but I had never imagined I'd be living in it, seeing it with my own two eyes. He was so zealous about the whole thing that for a moment I felt like I was talking to one of my oldest friends.

Ryan was nearly the polar opposite of me in personality, loud, emotionally-driven, and impatient; but he was extremely loyal and always stood up for me when we were younger. I imagined that he would probably grow up to be a lot like Scotty, minus the accent, but a moment of sadness rolled over me as I realized I would never get to see him again and I looked down to my lap, playing with my fingers. Just then I realized I hadn't been keeping track of the time and when I checked, the watch around my wrist had 7:54 A.M. splayed across the face.

"Scotty, I'm so sorry, I've got to get up to the bridge; I'm already going to be late." I stood quickly and shook my dress out.

"No problem, come down anytime!"

I turned and waved before exiting out the main door of the engineering deck, climbing the flights of stairs two at a time. By the time I reached the doorway to the bridge it was six after eight and I paused in front of the door to try and catch my breath. With my hand leaning against the wall and my chest heaving from the exertion, I made a promise to myself to visit the training room during my day off tomorrow; neglecting any sort of physical exercise since I'd been here definitely wasn't doing me any favors.

"Leila, you all right?"

My face flushed but I smiled brightly as I stood up straight to greet Captain Kirk.

"Captain! Yes, I'm all right. Is everything ok with you? I mean, with the ship and everything?" Scotty had mentioned to me earlier that the turbulence the ship had experienced the previous night was because of debris in our flight path, but I was curious about the damage she had taken. Jim merely waved a hand at me.

"Oh yeah, ship's great, just a little debris field is all. Why are you so out of breath?" I laughed and shook my head.

"I just came from Engineering and I was running a bit late is all." He laughed as we walked through the bridge doors.

"You could just take the lift next time, ya know?"

Smirking, the captain turned and stepped down before taking his seat in the captain's chair, leaving me standing by the door.

"Noted." I said breathlessly to myself and just as I turned to make my way down to my station next to Marie, the bridge door opened again.

Glancing over my shoulder I tensed as Spock walked through, his dark eyes finding my small frame easily before he inclined his head to me in acknowledgement. My breath held in my throat and that same self-preserving part of my brain was telling me to run from the room, to get as far from him as possible. My rational side overrode my physical urge to flee yet I stood stock still as he passed, afraid to draw too much attention to myself; I did at least have the sense to nod back as he passed me and walked down to talk to the captain.

"Leila!"

"Huh?" Dazed, I turned and saw Marie waving to me from her chair. I made my way over, shaking myself out of my stupor and sat down next to her.

"Everything all right?" Her long, blonde hair fell over her shoulder as she leaned toward me.

"Yeah…yeah I'm ok, thanks." My smile was tight-lipped as I settled in to start my work and Marie turned in her chair, speaking in an animated voice about her optimism for the day's proceedings.

"I don't know why but I feel like we're going to finally see some action today! I had a dream last night that I picked up some transmissions and I am so ready to be over this slow hump."

She and I chatted quietly about the possibilities of what we might run in to throughout the day and my previous anxiety about being near Spock got buried beneath the anticipation of possibly exploring a different world, meeting a new race; by the time I finished lunch with Marie I felt exuberant and expectant for some good news during the second half of my shift.

We stopped in the hallway so Marie could use the restroom and I leaned back on my hands against the wall to wait for her; looking around at all of the people passing by. My eyes followed a group of people to my left as they joked and laughed with one another and I had the inkling suspicion that Marie was right, the whole ship seemed to be lively and enthusiastic with the prospect of a discovery; the group's antics grew quiet to my ears as they continued walking and disappeared around a corner to my right.

Sulu, the ship's helmsman then passed by, waving quickly to me before making his way up the stairs leading to the mess hall to my left. A flash of blue out of my peripheral vision caught my attention and just as Marie walked out of the bathroom, I saw Spock walk down the steps and straight towards me. This time though, my mind barely had time to register my anxiety before I felt a calming wave rush over my psyche, soothing the frazzled nerves and making me sigh deeply as I relaxed more against the wall. Marie looked to Spock, confused as she stood directly in front of me, but I didn't have time to say anything before Spock glanced at her.

"Lieutenant Cross, I must ask for a view minutes alone with Lieutenant Parvin, if you do not mind." Marie looked between the two of us and started to open her mouth to speak but I closed my eyes lazily and shook my head at her. She hesitated when I opened my eyes to look at her but at the last second she decided to smile distantly instead and departed without a word in the direction of the bridge. Spock's gaze shifted to me.

"You intimidate her, you do know that don't you?" With my back still resting against the wall I turned to look up in to Spock's face.

"It is not Lieutenant Cross' assessment of me that I am concerned with."

He spoke deeply, his face even and tranquil, and I had half expected the anxiousness and fretfulness to return to me when I met his eyes, but all I felt was that same sense of ease, a contentment that came with having a logically controlled and peaceful disposition; naturally I was suspicious.

"What are you doing?" My eyes narrowed at him but he spoke with absolute conviction, seeming not to notice the doubt written on my face.

"I am attempting to have a conversation with…"

"I don't mean what you are doing physically Spock, I meant how is it that you're able to affect my mood?" He clasped his hands behind his back and sighed heavily.

"You appeared apprehensive when I first regarded you on the bridge this morning, quite similar to the reaction you gave last night as you left to return to your quarters. I assumed it had something to do with our exchange last night and I merely meant to try and ease your trepidation. It is…possible for Vulcans to exchange energy when within close proximity to one other, although the affect is usually minimal and I did not expect that you would react to it as quickly as you have."

I searched his face and felt the sense of tranquility lessen somewhat and I figured he was trying to back off for my sake.

_I wonder what it's like to feel that unruffled all the time._

"Apprehensive is a good way to put it. The feeling of having another person inside my mind with me is not within my realm of comfort, so I was a bit startled at first." He nodded and gestured with an outstretched hand down the hall and I pushed out from my spot on the wall to walk with him.

"I can assure you; I refrained from seeking out your thoughts while we were touching, as I did not wish to breach your trust in that way, your thoughts are your own, but that feeling would be the same, if we were to have skin to skin contact again." I looked forward and exhaled slowly out of my mouth, relieved at the fact that he hadn't actually been filtering through my subconscious.

"I appreciate that; I'm not entirely sure how touch-telepathy works, but I can promise I wasn't flitting through your mind either; I'm not even sure I would know how to do that anyway." I looked up to him but he was staring straight ahead as we walked.

"With any other skill it must be learned and honed; however, given your exceedingly stable level of self-control I believe it would prove to be quite easy for you." He turned to look down at me and I could feel a small smirk form on the corner of my lips.

"You overestimate me, but thank you; acquiring that skill isn't something I'm particularly interested in though, I have enough to worry about in my own mind, let alone anyone else's."

We walked in silence for the remainder of our trip back to the bridge, but it felt more agreeable than awkward; after clearing the air with him about last night my mind resolved the issue and I could feel my mood improve significantly. We parted ways on the bridge and I groaned with the sudden realization that I would have to give Marie some kind of explanation as to what had happened earlier; I at least owed her an apology.

Luckily, she didn't ask any questions when I told her what happened, even though I could tell she wanted to; she didn't bring it up again while we worked and my appreciation for her coolness sky-rocketed. For a while afterwards she and I had scanning the immediate space field, recording our position and coordinates, when I noticed something on the screen; both Sulu and I spoke up at the same time.

"Captain?"

Swiveling in our chairs, Sulu and I glanced at one another before looking up to the captain, who was looking between us with furrowed brows. I nodded my head to Sulu to let him explain, he was more familiar with space than I was.

"Captain, I'm getting a reading that something's up ahead, it may be another ship but I can't quite tell; it's not moving, it's just sort of…floating there. If they see us coming they're not making any show of it." The captain looked to me.

"Parvin, is it hostile?"

"I'm not sure captain; even if it is all of their weapons are offline, they're indefensible." I turned back to look at the wide, glass screen in front of me. "If it is a ship it's basically dead, I'm not getting any sort of reading off of them." Marie, who had been looking towards the captain, spoke up as well.

"Sir that could be why I didn't receive any vocal transmissions as we approached them."

We all watched as our ship grew closer and closer to the foreign body and just after Sulu dropped us out of warp, a small, grey spacecraft came in to view. Its exterior was clean and intact, but there weren't any signs of life on the inside; no light streamed through the cabin windows and its propulsion drives looked like they hadn't been used in years. Captain Kirk stood up and made his way closer to the large window, a perplexed look painted all over his features.

"Sulu, are they shielding?"

"No shields sir, I am scanning the ship now." The entire bridge seemed to be waiting with bated breath as Sulu ran a full scan over the smaller ship. He looked up from his station and addressed the captain.

"The ship is empty sir; no crew, no working machinery, even the life support systems have been shut off." Captain Kirk turned, running a hand through his hair as he blew out a forceful breath.

"Thank you Mr. Sulu."

Sulu nodded and watched the captain as he sat back down in his chair; Jim instructed Chekov to establish a ship-wide channel for an announcement. Glancing over towards Spock, I could only just see the side of his face, but like the rest of the crew, he was staring at the captain, waiting to hear what our next move would be.

"Attention Enterprise crew, a small, unarmed vessel has been found just inside of our flight path; the ship's origin and crew remain unknown to us at this point. However, I will be leading a small party to the abandoned ship and will be reporting back with any findings once we have returned. Have four suits ready in the transporter room, everyone else please keep to your stations to await further orders, Kirk out."

Once the channel was closed Captain Kirk stood up quickly and turned the helm over to Sulu before pointing towards Lieutenant Martin, an experienced linguist, Spock, and finally to myself as he spoke.

"Martin, Spock, Parvin, follow me."

Standing quickly, I followed the three men out the bridge doors and in to the hallway; Spock and Kirk were quickly leading me and the other lieutenant through a hallway I had never noticed before and we turned sharply in to a small room. Two men were seated at a small station directly in front of large, circular pad; eight small glowing disks on the floor illuminated as the three men walked up on to the pad and began putting on a black suit and helmet; it looked similar to a motorcycle helmet but the glass front came all the way down, creating a seal.

I walked hesitantly up the steps and began putting on the outfit; once I had my hair tucked in to the helmet I looked over to Jim.

"Transporter room?" His smile was devilish as he answered me.

"Just wait, this part's pretty cool; stand on that pad right there." I followed his pointed finger to a glowing circle between himself and Spock and just as I centered myself on to it I felt a pulling sensation, similar to what I felt when I was transported here and a faint golden glow filled my vision. A weightless, buoyant feeling overtook me and the scene in front of me went black; a few short seconds passed before I felt my feet hit the floor again and when I looked around me my eyes were greeted by a dark, vacant hallway.

Small overhead lights flickered furiously at our sudden presence, barely illuminating the dark grey tile floors and casting eerie shadows on the vacant walls. The inside of the ship was nearly as intact and orderly as the hull; lack of sufficient light and white noise from any warp thrusters were the only things to betray the ship's neglect. Jim's voice came through the earpiece in my helmet and as he spoke we began walking, the sound of our footsteps reverberating heavily down the hallway.

"Ok, we need to find the control room, hopefully then we can get the life support systems and computers turned back on, figure out where the hell this thing came from. Spock," Jim looked over my head to his left, "Martin and I will try and find it; take Leila, see if you can find the bridge and I'll let you know if we can get the power back on."

Spock nodded and he and I began walking down the hallway toward its end, Martin and the captain disappearing down a set of stairs as we passed them. Once we came to the hallway's end we had to decide which way to go and I could practically see Spock deducing the best course to take as I looked up at him. I stayed quiet as he worked through whatever train of thought he had been processing, smiling playfully to myself at the look of concentration on his face, and followed him to the right and up a small flight of stairs. At the end of the short hallway there was a door, similar to the ones on the Enterprise, but without power it stayed shut, even as we approached.

"Do you think we could just push it open?" I looked up to Spock and his brows furrowed as he looked at me.

"I do not know; I suppose we could try." I walked past Spock and flexed my hands, surveying the gloved part of the suit around them and hoped the thick, rubber-like material had enough grip for what I was going to do. Spock walked up around me as I planted myself firmly against the adjacent wall and pushed sideways against the sleek metal, feeling the door slide centimeter by centimeter. The muscles in my forearms ached with the strain; the knuckles of my fingers popping one at a time, but after a few more seconds a small crack between the door and the wall opened, dim light filtering through on to my face. As soon as the space widened slightly, Spock gripped the side of the door with his fingers and pulled back, allowing me to step back and rest my arms as he dragged the door open the remainder of the way.

It clicked loudly as Spock sheathed it in to its spot in the wall and we both walked in to the room, surveying the surroundings with appreciative glances as we both realized we had found our destination.

"Captain, we have located the bridge, we will be standing by for further instruction." Spock's voice filtered through my helmet as I walked down to the helm, running my hand over the controls and buttons; I heard the captain speak again as I glanced out the bridge window.

"Got it Spock, we're still looking for a power source, just give us a few minutes."

Spock's tall form appeared in my peripheral vision as I sat down in front of the long panel, trying to gauge how similar the system might be to the Enterprise.

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes, Spock staring quietly out the bridge window while I traced my fingers over the control switches. I stole a glance up at Spock and studied his profile; the quiet stillness that overtook him when he wasn't moving or speaking, and I suddenly wondered why I was so perturbed about the exchange in the rec room. Even if he had seen anything, or felt whatever emotions I was dealing with, I had full confidence that it would've stayed between us; he hadn't given me any reason not to trust him.

_Neither had the officers six years ago; look what happened there._

Looking back down to my hands I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to override the small, untrusting voice in my head.

_No, he doesn't seem like that type at all; for goodness sake any thought he's ever had has all but come spilling honestly out of his mouth._

I opened my eyes and flattened my palms against the machine as I took in a deep breath and cleared my head, deciding that it would probably be best to focus on what I was doing that moment, rather than argue internally with myself over Spock's integrity.

"Captain?" My voice was inquisitive and quiet as I spoke over the intercom.

"Yeah Leila?"

"Am I correct in the assumption that you want me to try and reboot the computer system once you turn the power back on?"

"Yes, I need you to get online and try and pull up the archives so we know exactly what type of ship we're dealing with, think you can do that?" I sighed heavily and leaned back in to the seat.

"If the computers are anything like the ones on the Enterprise I shouldn't have a problem."

"Good, Martin thinks he's found a manual override for the ship's power source, if you're not already, get to one of the stations." I sat up straight and looked at the blank computer screen.

"Ready when you are captain."

My mind was on high alert, my fingers poised on the keyboard as a dull hum echoed throughout the bridge, vibrating under our feet. My eyes were slow to adjust as the sharp beam of the overhead lights kicked on; the computer screens kicked on one at a time around the room until, finally, the helm's screens flickered on.

"All right Spock, where are you at man?" The captain's voice sounded rushed and I imagined he and Martin were making their way back up towards us; Spock's voice was level and smooth through the earpiece as he gave directions and I had to really concentrate to file through the older ship's systems.

_Damnit Spock, I'm trying to focus here; keep that attractive voice in your throat for just a few minutes please._

My fingers flew over the keys as I searched through file after file, page after page, for any information that might tell us more about the ship's past and just as I found one that looked promising, Jim walked up behind me.

"Hey guys, any luck?" With my eyes still trained on the screen, I spoke up.

"I believe I've found what we're looking for, but there's another program in the way, it's like some type of fail-safe; I can't open up the files." He leaned over me; one hand on the back of my chair, the other leaning against the edge of the desk.

"A fail-safe? What do you mean?" I sighed, trying best how to describe what I meant.

"A fail-safe is a mechanism that is implemented, in this case within the file itself, either to keep a system from becoming irreparably damaged, or to keep sensitive information from being recovered by anyone other than the person who put it there. This system is pretty basic compared to the technology on the Enterprise so it shouldn't be too difficult to get around." My eyes narrowed and I could feel my breath become shallow as I sped through the firewall, rerouting around the issue to come at the protected file in a different method.

Just as I breached through the file the screen went black.

"What the hell?" I pulled my hands back from the keyboard and watched as lines of code ran across the screen; the bright white was a stark contrast to the black background. After a few seconds the screen brought up a white page, a timer set for one minute rapidly counting down.

"Oh shit."

"What, what's going on?" Jim's voice was high in my ear and without even thinking my hands went back to the keys, trying desperately to find some way, anyway, to stop the fail-safe timer.

"The ship's fail-safe is a self-destruct switch; whoever encrypted the ship's logs really didn't want the information being found because we've got forty-five seconds until the ship explodes." My voice was calm but my fingers and brain were working overtime, the muscles in my neck and back tensed as I tried to turn the system off.

"Can you turn it off?"

"I don't know; this system is just archaic enough that all of the programming is different than what I've been taught." My eyes scanned the pages rapidly and I heard Spock's voice over the earpiece.

"Twenty-five seconds." The captain stood up and paged the Enterprise.

"Kirk to Enterprise, prepare to beam the team and I back, Mr. Sulu, prepare for warp speed." Jim put a hand around the top of my shoulder and I turned just enough to see him through the side of the helmet.

"Leila, come on, we have to get out of here."

I turned back to the computer, ten seconds were left to count down on the screen; I had never left something unfinished before, never not been able to reach my target. Sighing in defeat I turned and stood quickly, nodding once.

"All right Enterprise, get us out of here." Jim spoke rapidly and once again I felt that weightless feeling suddenly envelope me, pulling me back to the ship; but this time my vision spun rapidly from standing too quickly and when my feet hit the floor on the Enterprise I wavered before falling forward to the floor. A firm hand wrapped around my upper arm and steadied me, stopping my face from meeting the cold tile.

Once the vertigo decreased and my vision was solid I turned and followed the hand up towards Spock's face.

"Thank you." He nodded before releasing me and began taking his suit off; once the captain had ordered warp speed the rest of us followed suit; once I was out the adrenaline from racing against the computer's bomb dwindled, leaving me feeling drained. I turned to the captain as we stepped down from the transporter pad.

"Captain, I'm sorry, I…"

"Leila, don't worry about it, it's not your fault." He spoke sympathetically and his eyes were soft as he looked down at me. "Now go get some rest, I've asked enough of you for one day; I don't want to see you again on the bridge until the day after tomorrow."

"Captain, really…" I started to protest but he held a hand out to stop me.

"That's an order." His eyes still held that same forgiving look, but his tone was firm; I could tell there was no point in arguing him and any doubt I had about Jim's competency as a captain was diminished at that point; he may be impulsive, flighty, and goofy at times, but he knew how to take care of his ship and his crew. I nodded quietly.

"Yes sir."


	6. Change of Heart

**I couldn't decide whether or not to combine this chapter and the next one in to one longer chapter but as I kept writing I realized if I combined them it would be close to 13k words, and I really didn't want to do that. Besides I've already made you guys wait FOR-EV-ERRRR to get this one up, which I apologize for. Forgive me? So this one will be shorter, and the next one will be longer, they should even each other out.**

**P.S. Chptr 7 will be up probably tomorrow or the day after, so two updates close together. WOOT WOOT!**

**P.P.S. Ninja-of-twilight & ThrashLikeAMechanic: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews, you are both dolls. =]**

**Without further interruption, here is Chapter 6! **

* * *

_Bright sunlight filtered through the top of the long, twisted branches, the green leaves tinting the warm, golden light into a pale, ethereal mossy cover as I fought hard to calm my breathing from my climb up the tree's side. Perched on one of the lower branches I peeked through the greenery down to the ground, the bark rough and hard against the palms of my hands and soles of my feet; someone was coming. I held myself completely still as I strained my ears, waiting to hear the light footsteps or shrill voices of the girls from school; the ones who sought to harass me and turn others against me from the moment we first encountered one another in the high school halls. The steps were coming closer but they were much heavier and more lumbering than any female steps I had heard and my hands relaxed around the thick branch as I realized who it was. A tall, dark haired boy wearing jeans and a t-shirt walked around the massive tree trunk and looked up, his curly hair almost covering his eyes._

_"Leila, come down here."_

_Ryan stood there, his light brown eyes playful as he put his hands on his hips; I shook my head._

_"Come on, they're all gone; I made sure they'll leave you alone for a little while." His mouth twisted into a mischievous grin and after a short deliberation I carefully swung my legs down, my feet dangling as my hands gripped the branch. Ryan walked forward to put his hands around my waist and lowered me gently to the ground; I looked up at his face._

_"How did you do that?"_

_He laughed emphatically as we walked down the cool grass of the park and to the paved sidewalk, not really paying attention as we passed small, modest houses down the long street._

_"I told them that if they didn't leave you alone, I'd make sure that when they woke up in the morning they'd be orphaned and sold to the first bidder as farm hands."_

_I wrinkled my nose and followed him around a corner in to the alleyway between our two houses, a stray cat ran over and wound itself around my ankles; I bent down to pick it up and scratched behind his ears for a moment before he darted out of my arms and down the road to chase a mouse._

_"That's a bit morbid don't you think?"_

_His eyebrows furrowed and he swung a long arm around my shoulders._

_"Not to me, especially since they were picking on my best bud. Now come on, let's go catch the ice cream truck, I heard it's over on McCormick; if we run we can still make it."_

_Smiling brightly I nodded before we took off, darting around corners, cutting across lawns and jumping over upturned trashcans. I had always been just a bit faster than Ryan, his tall height made it a bit difficult to keep his center of gravity, but I slowed my pace just enough so that we'd reach the ice cream truck at the same time. We devoured our cones on the hot street corner before heading back home to watch some TV. _

_Deciding it was probably better to watch a show at my house since Ryan's three older siblings were usually occupying the one television Ryan's parents owned, we climbed the shaded steps to the front door and I twisted my key in the lock, the sweet relief of the air conditioner cooling our red faces as the door swung open._

_"You want anything to drink?" I yelled over my shoulder as Ryan plopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote._

_"Coke please!"_

_I walked down the open hallway, passed the small bathroom and in to the kitchen, the sight at the kitchen table making me stop dead in my tracks. _

No…this isn't possible.

_Sitting around the giant farmhouse table were three Air Force lieutenants, each in their uniform, talking amongst each other, and each looking completely at ease yet totally out of place at the same time. They all sported buzzed haircuts in varying shades of blonde, yet their faces couldn't be more different; the one to my left had a round, baby-faced look to him, seemingly harmless._

_But I knew better._

_The one opposite of him, to my right, had a face like a famed celebrity; chiseled jawline and cheek bones, full, pouty lips, and a sharply angled nose, his dark blue eyes turned on me. Dreading what was about to come I felt myself starting to shake uncontrollably; I looked to the man sitting between his two comrades, his hands folded neatly in front of him, sitting on the un-stained wood._

_His hair was the darkest, an almost tawny sort of color that matched his brows and eyelashes, which, of course, punctuated the most startlingly blue eyes I had ever seen before, or since. They angled upward slightly, making him appear almost feline, a trait only accented by the sharp canines set on either side of his mouth as he smiled wildly at me._

_"Hello Leila." _

_Shaking my head back and forth I backed away slowly as he stood and made his way around the table. Every single nerve in my body was on edge as I watched him walk smoothly across the kitchen floor closer to me, the weight of his gaze never leaving my face. I knew I was running out of space to escape him and just when I was able to see the last name emblazoned on the tag across his chest, my lower back hit the counter._

_Andrews._

_My heart thumped furiously against my rib cage and my breath shuddered out as he closed the distance between us, our chests flush against one another. I turned my head and stared down the hallway as he lowered his face towards mine; hoping that if I didn't look at him, or maybe if I wished hard enough he and his friends would disappear in to the humid, thick air. He buried his face in to the hair around my temple and I could feel him inhale as he pressed himself harder against me. Tremors raked through my entire body as I tried hard not to scream, not to give him the satisfaction that my fear would provoke. Warm breath danced along my ear and neck as he placed his hands firmly, possessively around my waist, keeping me in place._

_"Did you miss me?" _

Gasping for air, I shot up out of bed, my hands balled around the soft sheets that encircled my hips. Clawing in the dark at the bed covers I wrapped my arms around a pillow and, in a rushed sense of panic, bit down on a corner, stifling the scream I could feel rising out of my throat.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What in the actual fuck?_

My entire body shudderedas I leaned forward and curled up on my side around the pillow, wet teeth marks brushing against my cheek as I looked around me, the white ceiling and large window like life lines as the room's familiarity and my own sense of self slowly made their way back to me.

_Ok, it was just a dream; just a dream._

Trying to push the tainted version of my high school memory to the back of my mind I ordered the blinds of the window opened and stared out in to the vast stretch of stars, their twinkling light beckoning me out of bed. As I stood in front of the window, stretching my arms above my head I took a few steadying breaths and closed my eyes, trying to clear my head of thought.

_Andrews._

I hissed out loud as the name flashed through my consciousness and my hand went reflexively to the four, small, crescent-moon shaped scars that decorated the back of my waist. Remnants of a past I had been trying desperately to forget.

_Come on Leila, pull it together; that time is so far behind you, literally._

Snorting derisively at my own ironic sense of humor I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock on the bedside table.

10:07 A.M.

After dinner last night I had come back to my room, fully intent on digging my PADD out of the twisted sheets on my bed to research more on old Starship vessels after yesterday's incident, but instead I had come back and fallen asleep while looking over the map of Paris that had been sitting on my desk. My body must have needed the rest because I had been out cold until a few minutes ago, save for one middle-of-the-night trip to use the bathroom of course.

I took a quick shower, just enough to wet my hair and scrub my face, before twisting my hair up in to a ballerina bun and throwing on some black athletic capris and a white tank top. Hopping out in to the hallway I pulled on the black running shoes and tied them quickly before heading down to the huge training room Marie had told me about.

When I walked in through the doors it was surprisingly busy, a large round track was open to the bottom floor where pairs of workers were sparring with, or spotting for one another; the lively, active energy was enough motivation to get me moving up the stairs and around the track.

I settled in to a slow, easy pace as I ran around and around, watching some people fencing, others lifting weights, only to be replaced by other people as they ended their workouts; it seemed like a never-ending procession and part of me wondered just how many people there really were on the ship. My eyes spotted Sulu and Chekov down on the mats, practicing a form of mixed martial arts, (which one I'm not entirely sure) and a sudden rush of excitement went through me as I slowed to watch them.

My father had taught me quite a bit about fighting, how to take and throw a punch, defensive stances and maneuvers, pressure points on the human body; but it wasn't until I was in the Air Force that I really enhanced and refined what he had taught me. I had quickly learned that, for better or worse, hand to hand combat was a skill that I had significant talent in, and as I watched the two I could feel familiar muscles tense with the need to move through the motions again.

I made my way down to the lower level and slowly approached the two, smiling and waving to Chekov as he noticed me; Sulu turned and matched his greeting.

"Hey Leila, what's up?"

Sulu was breathing hard, sweat causing his shirt to stick to his shoulders, and Chekov didn't look much better.

"Not a whole lot, I was just running upstairs when I saw you two down here, you're practicing martial arts, right?"

Chekov interjected with a laugh.

"Sulu is practicing, I am learning; he is trying to teach me some but it is difficult. You have to be really fast!" I nodded my head, smiling softly.

"You do indeed. Would you like a break? I used to practice and could use a refresher." I turned to Sulu, "If that's all right with you of course."

Chekov looked like he had just been awarded an Olympic medal in pole-vaulting; he was quite relieved as he sat down. Sulu agreed and I took my shoes and socks off, placing them under the bench Chekov was perched on. Walking up on to the mat Sulu had a spirited smile on his face as we stood in front of one another.

"Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath and relaxed my shoulders and arms, nodding quickly.

Sulu was quick.

A swift, smooth right hook was narrowly avoided as I blocked and countered the hit, gaining my bearings and remembering the form my father had taught me. Sulu utilized the opportunity of our arms having connected to lock his elbow with mine and spin me, pushing me to the floor. I fell on bended knee and pulled against his hold, testing how tightly he had a hold of me, before I pushed up hard with my planted foot and flipped him over my shoulder and throwing him to the mat. With a quick twist of my arms I cradled myself against the side of his body and pulled his arm taught, locking his movements.

"Ok, ok!"

Sulu tapped against the side of my leg and I flipped in to a backwards somersault before standing, extending a hand to help him up.

"Wanna go again?"

He nodded quickly, but his smile let me know I hadn't wounded his pride too bad.

We circled one another for a few moments and he was back at me in a flash, a swirling flash of dodges and strikes and when I advanced on him he ducked suddenly and rolled me off his back, causing me to have to roll to avoid falling flat on my own. While on bended knee he came upon me but when he went to strike I caught his arm, planted a foot against his chest, and vaulted him over me. He landed flush on the mat once more and when I walked towards him he held his hands up in surrender.

"All right, you win, no more."

Each word was exclaimed by a huffed breath and I hoped I hadn't knocked the wind out of him too bad. Helping him up again, my smile was sheepish as I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

"Sorry, I can be a bit intense with fighting sometimes." He was bent forward, his hands on his knees as he looked up to me.

"Ah, no worries, you've given me a good work out, anytime you wanna do this again let me know."

Before I could thank him for the invitation I noticed him look past me as he stood up quickly and when I turned to look over my shoulder I saw Spock making his way through the groups of people towards us; as he approached our eyes met and we acknowledged one another.

"Good morning sir." My eyes trailed down his form to the dark grey long sleeve shirt and black workout pants he was wearing and I mentally kicked myself for checking out my commanding officer in a room full of people; luckily my blush was hidden by my already flushed face.

"Good morning Miss Parvin; Sulu, Chekov."

The three men exchanged head nods and I turned back to Spock as I pulled my disheveled hair up in to a high ponytail.

"Everything all right?"

"Yes, quite, I was merely coming to ask you if you were feeling well, after yesterday's excursion Captain Kirk was quite worried. However, now that I am here, I feel that it is Lieutenant Sulu's well-being I should be alarmed for."

Stifling a laugh I turned to Sulu and he was standing there with his hands on his hips, a disgruntled look on his face.

"She's tougher than she looks commander; I'd put money on her in a fight, even against you." Sulu inclined his head towards Spock as he spoke and my eyebrows flew up as I turned to look back at the first officer; the corners of his mouth ticked slightly upward and for a second I thought I noticed a hint of self-satisfied assurance in his eyes.

"Perhaps it is a good thing that no one has put wagers on a fight between the two of us then." Chekov immediately stood from his spot on the bench, a long hand raised in the air.

"I vill, that vould be something to see!" This time I let the laugh escape from my throat as I looked between Chekov and Spock.

"I don't think he meant it as a challenge Chekov." Smiling I put my hands on my hips, shaking my head at his excitement.

"I'd pay to see that too." Sulu raised an eyebrow at Spock as he looked back from Chekov. "What do ya say commander? It'd be one hell of a fight." My gaze turned to Spock, my eyebrows still raised, and he shifted where he stood; I could have sworn he looked uncomfortable, but his face was as inexpressive as ever.

"I feel that it would strain propriety for Miss Parvin and I to fight with one another Mr. Sulu; we have never properly trained together before, our sparring styles are unmatched." I felt my heartbeat slow down and my muscles relax a bit and secretly I was grateful for his gentle reluctance towards a match between the two of us; I may be good, but I didn't think I was that good. Sulu gave a taunting smirk and I sighed deeply, knowing what was coming next.

"Show us then, I'd love to know how to beat her." Shaking my head I looked up at Spock with a knowing resignation on my face. He looked down at me and I could tell that his gaze was questioning, asking me if I was all right with this; a long moment of silence passed between us before I shrugged at him.

"It doesn't matter to me; but you know he won't stop until we fight."

He inhaled deeply, realizing his defeat, and nodded his head to me. When I turned to glare good-humoredly at Sulu his smirk broke in to a wide grin.

"Awesome."

The next thing I knew, Spock and I were facing one another on the dark blue mat, both barefoot and straight-backed. A small crowd had formed a large half-circle around us and I could feel my heart beat frantically in anticipation, supplying my muscles with the energy I would be surely needing. Sulu and Chekov were standing on the edge of the mat and when Sulu looked to me and wished me good look I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head.

_Thanks for this Sulu; I'll definitely owe you one._

Looking straight ahead at Spock he inclined his head to me, a warning that he was ready, and I reciprocated the gesture as I shifted my weight forward on to my toes, preparing for a quick defense.

Faster than I had anticipated, Spock advanced; I ducked quick enough to avoid his strike but because of his speed and the fact that I wasn't prepared, I dipped backwards rather than forwards, and when I straightened I had to jump back to avoid his grasp. Remembering from my father that being backed in to a corner or brought to the ground was bad, I shuffled to my right, in front of Chekov and Sulu and countered his advances; trying my best to avoid being brought down by his long reach. I heard the two men behind me move as I jumped backwards and up on to the bench as Spock kept coming. Dodging to the left I jumped to avoid his strike at my legs and then jumped completely over his bent form and rolled across the mat to put some distance between us.

For a moment I imagined how this must look; a dance, a delicate game of cat and mouse as Spock advanced and I kept slipping just out of his reach.

I should've known better.

Taking advantage of my musing, Spock caught me around the waist, pulled me down to the ground, and pinned my arms across my chest. Trying hard to ignore the mental incursion the skin on skin contact was causing, I pushed my torso up and rolled back quickly; as I fell back on to the mat again, I used the momentum to wrap both legs around our joined arms and pushed, breaking his hold on me. I rolled to standing quickly and as he pushed up on to one knee I wrapped an arm around his neck and locked my arms together behind his head; pulling just enough to keep him from escaping. I felt him push upwards but instead of trying to flip me forward, like I had expected, he rolled to the side; we tumbled over one another a few times and during the commotion I felt my arms disconnect from him, leaving me supine on the mat.

Breathing harder than I had in weeks, I rolled backwards once more and pushed myself up to standing, my legs burning with the strained endurance and the lack of training; which, of course, wasn't an effect Spock seemed to be sharing. He didn't seem to be phased in the least and when he advanced again I could see what he meant when he said that it took a lot to tire Vulcans out.

As I blocked his strike with my arm, and in one swift movement of finality, Spock wrapped a hand around my opposite arm, turned quickly, and flipped me over his shoulder, sending me to the mat.

I lay there for a few seconds, blinking and trying to catch my breath, when Spock walked in to view to my left, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you all right?"

Looking past him I nodded, catching Sulu's dubious expression and Chekov's wide grin and I smiled softly.

"Just fine."

Spock turned to see what I had been looking at and when his eyes left mine I seized the open opportunity. Just as he was looking towards Sulu I swung my right leg out and caught the back of his ankles, tripping him swiftly and he fell quickly to the floor.

A collective gasp went through the entire group surrounding us and when I pushed myself up in to a sitting position, I could see Sulu doubled over with laughter before he turned to collect something from Chekov's very hesitant hands.

_Those bastards actually did put money on us._

I turned back and looked at Spock, who had propped himself up on his elbows before giving me a look of pure shock.

"You cheated."

Not able to keep the smirk from my lips I pushed myself up and extended my hand to him, a gesture that I'm sure was a strange sight for the others as they looked on, seeing as how touch was a bit more intimate for Vulcans than for humans; but for me it was meant more as a truce between Spock and I. It was in that moment that I decided to stop worrying about what had happened to me in the past and focus on the fresh start life took upon itself to give me.

Ok, a small part of me might have meant it as an apology too; I did feel a smidge bad for having deceived him.

He glanced down from my face to my hand and back up again, a look of confusion painted across his features.

Blinking slowly I smiled to myself as I realized that I would have to reassure him that I wasn't worried about whatever implications touching him would bring. I spoke just loud enough so that only he would hear as the gathered crowd dispersed back to what they had been doing.

"Everyone has a right to change their mind."

For a moment I thought I may have offended him; all he did was stare back up at me, his features unflinching, brazen, and it was like I could see something click together in his thoughts. I thought about retracting my hand but, as if he was reading my mind, he grasped it in a smooth, upward reach and as I helped pull him to his feet I could feel a warm, comforting sense of relief coming from him; he seemed content and, dare I say, happy.

"Thank you."

Something about his tone, the way those two simple words left his mouth, left me feeling like he wasn't just appreciative of the help I had given him, but for something else entirely. My shoulders and neck warmed even against the cool air conditioned room as his gaze pierced through me.

"You're welcome." Breaking his eye contact, I looked down to the mat, suddenly remembering that I was barefoot, and cleared my throat. "I should probably put my shoes back on."

I walked the short distance to the bench and sat down, grabbing my shoes and socks from underneath me. As I began pulling them on I saw Spock walk up and, with barely any room between us, knelt down on bended knee in front of me. I stopped tying my shoe mid-motion and looked up at him, our eyes level, and my own wide with anticipation.

"Per captain's orders there will be a mandatory meeting this evening at zero-eighteen hundred hours for all bridge personnel. Everyone is to report outside of the bridge doors in advance, however," the look in his eyes was uncertain, maybe even frustrated; "If you would permit it, I wish to speak with you privately afterwards."

My lips parted and I blinked rapidly before nodding my head; my fingers still knotted around my shoe laces.

"Yes, of course."

He nodded once and when he stood to leave I was able to finish tying the shoe around my foot; the lack of his physical closeness allowing me to think a bit clearer. As he was walking across the mat to gather his own shoes I couldn't help but watch the way the muscles of his shoulders and upper back tensed and flexed under his shirt as he moved.

_Oh Lord Leila, you're in trouble._

Sighing heavily I flopped unceremoniously on to the bench and stared up at the ceiling, wondering nervously about how tonight would go.


	7. A Glimpse

**Ok ya'll, this chapter contains...delicate material; I don't wish to give anything away before you've read it since it's kind of a pivotal moment for our two main characters, but if you are concernced just PM me before reading and I will let you know what to watch out for. Thanks and I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon in a kind of nerve-induced haze; any time I tried to do something simple, like, oh, washing my hair, chewing my food, or even just walking up and down steps, I kept thinking back to the moment in the gym with Spock. The contemplative, pensive look he gave me as I offered to help him up, his hesitance when he asked to talk to me tonight; and in line with that moment, the way his presence commanded my attention to the point where, even with others nearby, I could only focus on what he alone was saying to me.

_Well, I may have been a bit preoccupied by the way his lips moved too. _

Not wanting to seriously maim or kill someone because of my lack of focus, I decided to venture down to Engineering to see Scotty; surely a good laugh would help clear my head for a little while.

I found him crouched in front of one of the computer stations near his desk, his neck bent awkwardly as he tried to look under the panel with a flashlight. Pulling his chair from behind his desk I sat down and rolled across the floor and slowed silently behind him; listening to him mumble.

"Bleedin' machine…I swear if I get my hands on that wee bugger…ah, ha, ha!"

Scotty pulled a small piece of metal out from underneath the computer, holding it triumphantly above his head and as he stood back up he saw me and smiled.

"Oh, Leila, how are ya?"

My grin was wide as I spun the chair around in circles, feeding off of Scotty's infectious energy, but I stopped shortly after, my vision was running a bit too wild for my head to keep up with.

"I'm just fine, Scotty, how are you?" He held the small piece of scrap metal up in front of him.

"I'm better now that I got this bleedin' thing out of the backup computer. Been wonderin' why the stupid thing hadn't been workin' for months, now I know I guess!" He tossed it in to the trash can by his desk and leaned against the workstation.

"So, what are ya up to?" He folded his arms across his chest and I leaned back in to the chair to help steady my eyes.

"Not a whole lot, Captain wants all the bridge personnel upstairs for a meeting in about a half an hour, so I figured I had some time to kill. How's it been down here today?"

"Oh, just fine thanks, just trying to keep this show on the road, sort to speak. Keenser's off to God knows where, little bugger was helpin' me, but like I told ya before, he's useless. He's probably off watching paint peel somewhere."

Laughing I tested out my balance and stood up from the chair to walk around the dead computer.

"Do you want some help turning this back on?" I pointed down to the machine.

"Actually if ya don't mind, that would be great."

Scotty and I spent a good twenty minutes re-wiring and flicking switches on the computer before the screen finally flickered back to life. Scotty gave a victorious yell and whacked the top of the station in vigor, but when I told him I'd come back down after the meeting to help him re-program it he just waved a hand at me.

"Nah, don't worry about it, I'll be goin' up to bed shortly after this anyway. You better get goin' though if you're meeting up on the bridge, that's a long way to climb!"

"Yes, you're probably right." I sighed as I stood up from the chair and gave a quick goodbye before making the trek up the long flights of stairs. When I reached the top and walked out in to the hallway I stared at the lift doors to my left.

_Maybe one day I'll put you to good use._

Further down the hallway I could see Jim, Spock, and a few other bridge workers standing in front of the open doors and as I walked down to join them more people unloaded off the lift behind me. Curious as to what the meeting could be about I walked up to Marie and leaned against the wall beside her, glancing at the open bridge doors.

"Do you know what this is about?" I turned my head to look at Marie, but she had a puzzled look on her face as she spoke.

"No idea, all the captain told me was to meet here at six."

Glancing over to Jim I saw that he was deep in conversation with Spock, obviously very animated about something because he had a wide smile on his face and his hands were moving quickly as he spoke. As the last of us walked up to the group he looked around quickly and straightened from the wall before waving us all in to the bridge. We all filed through and found our way to our stations, most casting curious glances in the captain's direction.

"All right, if everyone will please have a seat, I've got some very important news to tell you all." The captain looked exuberant as he stood in front of the bridge window, looking at all of us. "Before we set off earlier this year the Starfleet Admiral made sure to press the fact that the success of this mission would be a precursor and benchmark for any other exploratory assignments Starfleet will be making in the future, I don't think I have to impress on any of you how important the work that we're doing is, and how important it is for future Starfleet graduates to be granted this opportunity." I turned to look at Marie, who narrowed her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders at me; at least I wasn't the only one who was lost.

"The only reason I bring that up is because this morning, an unknown transmission was finally received." The group's silence was broken as everyone whispered and talked amongst one another, all curious to know what we were going to find.

"All right, all right, I know its exciting stuff." Jim raised his hands to quiet the group again. "But I want to make sure that everyone in this room knows how delicate of a situation this could be. We know nothing about this planet, and they know nothing about us. I'll be giving more details about the planet and its position tomorrow morning but I thought it would be appropriate to warn you guys beforehand so you can go ahead and get all the gossiping out of the way; I need you all focused tomorrow." He smirked and rested his hands on his hips.

Marie turned to me as Jim kept speaking and nearly squealed from excitement, her eyes were wide and when she wrapped her hand around my forearm and squeezed lightly I felt a sudden jolt of exhilaration so intense I nearly jumped out of my seat.

_Holy hell where did that come from?_

Marie flashed me a bright smile but when she turned back to Jim and let my arm go I felt the sense of elation diminish. Confused, I looked down at my arm, the skin as smooth and even as ever and part of me wondered if I was going to be able to feel the emotions of _everyone_ I touched now.

_Good grief, no wonder Spock doesn't like touching people._

When I brought myself back to the present I noticed that everyone had gotten up out of their seats and gathered around the front door, some standing around discussing the news, some trying to leave so the next shift could come in for work; Marie spoke as she stood above me.

"So exciting, I'll see you tomorrow!" Nodding, I smiled back at her as I stood up.

"Yeah, see you later." Turning slightly to stretch my back as she waved goodbye I caught a glimpse of something on the computer screen behind me.

"What the…" my mouth gaped and in a flash I turned to warn Jim. "Captain!"

He turned towards me just as the whole ship rocked violently; beams of dark red light battered the front of the hull, digging craters in to the metal and stripping long pieces off section by section. The jostling turned the ship just enough so that we could see another spacecraft, slightly larger than our own, just ahead of us.

Jacobs, the lieutenant taking my place, hurried through the doors to the station to try and figure out what exactly we were dealing with. Trying to give him space, I made my way carefully down the stairs to where Jim now sat, giving quick orders to fire at the ship and alerting Engineering and Medical of the situation.

"Captain, how can I help? Jacobs' is at my station now trying to work out where this thing came from." He looked up and turned to nod quickly at Spock, who stood from his station and came down to join us.

Then we were hit again.

The particularly rough blast vibrated through the bridge and I had to grab Jim's chair to keep from falling face first right in to his lap. The lights on the bridge went black for a few seconds and when they flickered back on again, half the stations computers were dead.

"Auxiliary power, do we have auxiliary power?" Jim yelled to no one in particular and to my left I heard another voice.

"No auxiliary power yet sir, the system needs to be reset."

Standing quickly, Jim ushered Spock and I over in front of the bridge lift doors and spoke in a hurry.

"All right you guys I need you to go down to Engineering and try and get the system back online. Spock, check with Scotty to see how much damage the ship's taken, Leila I need you to reboot the mainframe; we've got to get our weapons back." We both nodded and Jim hurried back down to the captain's chair, leaving Spock and I in front of the lift. Without even thinking I followed Spock through the doors as they opened and it wasn't until the bridge was out of sight and all I could see was white walls that reality finally hit.

_Oh shit._

I closed my eyes and breathed slowly in and out to a count of four, surprised to find that I was actually feeling pretty ok for being in such a small space; it helped that the lights were glaringly bright.

"Is something wrong?"

Spock's voice pierced easily through my thoughts and without opening my eyes I spoke quietly; afraid that if I used a normal tone my control would slip and I'd end up a weeping mess on the floor.

"Just a tad claustrophobic is all."

He was quiet for a few moments and I was sure he was probably deliberating over my small confession. I don't know if he was preparing to say something because right at that moment I heard the doors open up again, but when my eyes fluttered open he was staring down at me with a perplexed look on his face. Not wanting to waste any time I exited the lift quickly and looked around for Scotty, finding him rushing about between two computer stations.

"Scotty!" He was frantically typing on one of the computers, his fingers slamming against the keys in frustration, obviously not paying attention.

"Scotty!" I walked quickly up to him and stood beside the computer he was on, waving a hand in the air to try and get his attention. "Hello?"

Spock walked up beside me and in a surprisingly demanding voice addressed the flustered head engineer.

"Mr. Scott."

Finally Scotty looked up and realized he was being spoken to.

"Commander! I'm sorry but I haven't got the time right now, I'm trying to get these damned computers up again, we've lost all shields and weapons sir." He bent over the computer again but only growled in frustration as the screen clicked off.

"Scotty, listen, that's why we're here." He stood up and looked at me. "Where is the mainframe, I'm going to try and get the ship back online."

Scotty looked quickly between Spock and I and I could tell that he was unsure I'd be able to do it; he must have decided to forget his doubts though because he hurried quickly past the warp core, leading Spock and I to a large open room housing several computer screens. I sat down in the chair and quickly evaluated what was in front of me before starting the system up; I heard Spoke speak behind me.

"Mr. Scott, I must insist that you show me the ship's damage, I will be reporting any repairs needed to the captain once Lieutenant Parvin has fixed any internal damage."

The two men's voices quieted as Scotty led Spock back through the open hallway and I focused harder as I made my way through the supercomputer, turning each system on one at a time. I could tell when the ship was hit again because the chair I was sitting in rolled harshly to one side and I had to grip on to the desk to stay in place. It only took a few minutes to reboot the system and when I started up the final program I heard a loud hum as the main lights turned back on around me.

_Ok, hopefully now we have some kind of offense to work with._

The chair I was sitting in rolled softly as I stood; rounding the corner I glanced out around the large room, my eyes searching for a sign of either Scotty or Spock, but all I could see was a blur of red. Dozens of engineering workers walked past me in a rushed pace and I scooted back against the wall to avoid causing a collision. My eyes scanned the space and I watched as some people returned to their working computers, others starting machines back up now that the power was on; turning to look to my right I started austerely as my vision was flooded by blue.

"Jesus, Spock, how do you do that?" Realizing just how tall he was as I looked up from his chest, I backed up slightly to be able to see him completely; his eyes furrowed.

"How do I do what?"

Laughing quietly, not only from my own startled reaction, but also from the plain reaction on his face I ran a hand through my hair.

"Never mind, we should probably head back up to the bridge." He nodded and I followed him as he walked passed me and back to the lift doors. I tried to mentally prepare myself as the doors opened and we walked inside but this time I had a vague sense of foreboding, unshakeable apprehension and I couldn't quite keep myself as contained as before.

The doors shut and my breathing stopped.

Fruitlessly trying to calm down, I took in a deep breath through my nose and grabbed a hold of the side rail on the wall to stabilize myself. My eyes squeezed shut yet somehow I could feel Spock turn to look at me.

"It is quite contradictory that despite your normally reasoned and rational thought process, you are fearful of an inanimate machine." His tone wasn't taunting or condescending, but I responded through gritted teeth nonetheless.

"That is why it is called an irrational fear."

Opening my eyes I looked slowly up from the floor to his face, guessing that his thought was unfinished; but before he could say anything else the ship rocked violently again. Swallowing a yelp my heart hammered loudly in my ears as I tried to keep myself upright.

Then the lift stopped; the machine stalled loudly and the main lights went out, leaving only a small, dim emergency light on overhead.

That's when I lost myself.

Unable to control my breathing anymore I leaned against the wall and curved forward, gripping the side rail like it was my salvation as my other hand clutched at my chest. The sound of my labored breathing and the blood rushing through my ears nearly deafened me to Spock's voice and it wasn't until his hand wrapped softly around my arm that I could really hear what he was saying.

"Leila, please" his tone was low and calm, barely above a whisper, "you must try to calm your breathing."

I nearly came undone as he spoke and tears threatened to spill over my eyes as I gasped out the two small words stuck in my throat.

"I. Can't."

My mind completely unraveled; the darkness, acting as a floodgate, let loose every fear and worry I had tried so fervently to keep contained and not even the soothing, comforting energy that Spock was trying to pass through his touch could reach me. Suddenly wary of his closeness I pulled myself from his grasp and pressed my back against the wall to try and put what little distance I could between us.

"If you do not, I fear that you will collapse; please try to listen to me."

The faint light between us was centered on the floor, casting a small circle between our feet and I swallowed hard as I watched Spock cross the small length between us, his figure hazily outlined; I shook my head vigorously and this time a few, silent tears fell down my cheeks as I spoke.

"Spock, please."

I couldn't see his face, his significant height together with his broad shoulders blocked my eyes from any discernible light but as he approached I held my hand out to his chest to stop him, my palm flat against him; through my hysteria I could feel his heartbeat against my hand, slow and steady.

"I swear to you, no harm will come to you by my actions; I am only trying to help, but first you need to slow your breathing."

Even though I knew he probably couldn't see me, I nodded, some small part of me realizing he was right. Trying to regain some form of composure I took in a slow, shaking breath through my nose and pushed it out through my mouth in a rush.

"What are you going to do?" Even to my own ears my voice sounded small, helpless; Spock wrapped his warm fingers around my own and pulled my hand from his chest, taking another small step towards me.

"I will try to alleviate some of your stress, share it with you so that you will not be as burdened by your fear as you are now. It is much simpler to show you than to explain, but I will caution that it is pointedly more intense than our previous exchange."

Part of me was hurriedly shouting out in protest; I could, and would, deal with this on my own, in my own way; but the other part, the shy, quiet, humble and unassuming part of me was whispering to let him help.

_You can't keep running and pushing everyone in your life away._

Digging out a hidden, but potent, inner strength I was unaware that I possessed I stilled against the wall, feeling a few more tears slide down my face.

"Ok."

My soft and minute reply must have been enough, because I suddenly felt Spock's hand against the side of my face, his thumb brushing away the tears on my cheek before his fingers shifted; his thumb along the slope where my jaw met my chin, his index finger rested against my cheekbone, and his middle finger settled on to my temple.

I gasped unexpectedly; my cognizance felt like it was being pulled behind a roller coaster and suddenly I was thrust back in to my previous life, a familiar scene unfolded in front my eyes.

_Three small girls, each dressed in a brightly colored sundress approached me as I sat quietly on a swing, my toes dragging in the mulch as I gently pushed myself back and forth._

_"What's the matter Leila?" The petite blonde girl in the middle leered at me. "Does no one want to play with you?" _

_Remembering what my mother told me about ignoring bullies I stood up from the swing and walked past them; the three of them followed me as I made my way to the basketball court and picked up a stray ball._

_"Doesn't surprise me, who would want to play with someone like you? Not even your real mommy and daddy wanted to play with you; they gave you away so they wouldn't have to look at you!"_

_Turning quickly to face the girls I stomped my foot against the hard pavement, the sole of my foot throbbing painfully. The small blonde walked quickly towards me but as she went to spew out another insult at I threw the ball in my hands at her, the orange blur hitting her on the top of her head before bouncing off in to the grass._

The scene shifted; changing so quickly it felt like I had vertigo; I could barely register the feeling of Spock's hand against my skin.

_My eleventh grade English teacher was walking between the aisles of desks, handing back graded research papers as the class roughhoused and chatted, waiting impatiently for the bell to ring. As she dropped the packet of papers on my desk I heard the boy next to me, Steven, scoff as he turned to look at me._

"_Damn, wanna be my tutor?" _

_I turned to him and saw him pointing to the paper on my desk._

"_You're always getting' A's and shit." His gaze ran up and down my seated form as he shifted towards me, his feet planted on the floor and his legs spread wide._

"_What do ya say, you scratch my back, and I scratch yours?" An ill-intended smirk spread across his lips and I furrowed my eyebrows at his odd behavior. _

_"I am not entirely sure how a back scratch would help you advance your grades; nor does my back have a need to be scratched, but thanks." _

_Ending the conversation I turned to look over my paper and heard a few other students around me laugh under their breath. I glanced up to find the two girls in front of me twisted in their seats, strange looks painted on their faces._

_"What?" _

_The two of them merely shook their heads at me and turned back in the chairs, but not before one of them retorted, "Weirdo."_

The next scene came in flashes, all of them like arrows piercing through my mind, each one more painful than the last.

_Dozens of men and women were sitting at the large, round lunch tables littering the mess hall, eating as quickly as they could chew. I had been sitting next to my friend, Amelia, discussing what we would be doing during the free night we had that weekend when another lieutenant, and Amelia's current crush, walked over to us, leaning over our table._

_Derek Andrews._

Even through the induced vision I could still feel a violent shudder ripple through me.

_"Leila, Amelia, hope to see you two at Alley Cats tonight, supposed to be a pretty sweet get together." The smile he gave was dazzling and I could practically feel Amelia melt in to a puddle in her chair; she nodded emphatically._

_"Yup, we'll be there, ten o'clock right?" He nodded once and winked at Amelia as he stood up. His gaze moved to me and he gave a small smirk before continuing to his own table._

_"See you there."_

_Later that night Amelia and I were sitting at a high top table, trying to talk over the mass of people taking up room in the little bar when a waitress came back with the drinks we had ordered._

_"All right, a classic margarita for you." A tall, slender glass was set in front of Amelia, who immediately took a big swig._

_"And a rum and coke for you; anything else I can get for you ladies?"_

_The two of us shook our heads and I picked up the short, round glass; swirling the contents mindfully as Amelia kept talking about her day. Taking a long drag I savored the battle the sweet soda and spicy rum were waging over my tongue. After another couple of drinks I could feel the skin of my face flush, burning with the heat of promised intoxication as my eyes, lazily hooded, scanned over the faces in the crowd. _

_"Oh there he is!" Looking at Amelia's face I only had to guess who she meant as I followed her line of sight to the door. Sure enough, Derek Andrews, flanked by his two good friends Justin and Michael, walked in through the bar's entrance; a collective yell of excitement went up from one of the corner tables by us and I watched as the three of them walked through the crowd of patrons to join their friends, each shouting out a drink order to the waitress as she walked by._

_"Seriously, could he be any more gorgeous?" Amelia sighed as she rested her chin in her palm, staring over to the group of men. _

_I personally had never understood the attraction; Derek was nice enough, he always had a smile on his face, and if the stories about him were true, he had worked hard to get to where he was, but some part of me always felt uncomfortable around him. Something about his personality just screamed…predator. _

_I hopped down off the bar stool, damning my short stature, and passed through the bar to use the restroom; the feeling of eyes roaming over my body following me as I walked._

_A couple of hours had passed and in a drunken haze I found myself standing outside the bar, slightly confused as to how I had gotten there and wondering where in the hell Amelia had gone. Breathing in the warm air I rubbed my face, willing my sobriety to return so I could find her (and so I wouldn't feel completely awful in the morning.)_

_I heard whispers coming from one of the cars in the parking lot, whether they were male or female I wasn't sure; there were dozens of cars in the farthest part of the lot with people standing outside of them talking in groups. Normally I knew better than to go off by myself, but I was in good company, I knew nearly everyone in the bar and I was just going to look around for Amelia for a minute, I'd be back inside in no time._

_Famous last words. _

_Stepping down off the curb and in to the parking lot I passed row after row of cars, my eyes straining to see down the long line of shiny metal and when I got to the last row I huffed in frustration; Amelia was nowhere to be found._

_"Looking for someone?"_

_I whipped around suddenly, looking up at who I realized was Derek (more like four of him really) and I caught the faintest hint of a knowing smirk on his face before I felt something hard hit the back of my head._

_Glimpses of time passed in my mind; Michael picking me up off the ground, the back of Derek and Justin's heads as Justin drove down a deserted street, a bright red door; when I fully came to I was leaning against the side arm of a large couch, my vision swimming and my head throbbing._

_"Good morning sleeping beauty." Derek knelt down in to a view, a sickly sweet smile on his face as he gently cupped my chin. Groaning against the pain I tried to push myself up off the couch, the vertigo and nausea quickly dashed that hope though and Derek clucked his tongue as he sat down next to me._

_"You probably shouldn't try and stand, you may have a concussion; you hit your head pretty hard." _

_I swallowed dryly and closed my eyes, trying to remember what happened; hot air, shiny metal, and dark pavement._

_"Amelia." I opened my eyes and looked around slowly, trying to find her face; Derek chuckled._

_"Amelia is fine; she found a ride home with another friend at the bar." I could feel his hand run from the dip between my shoulder blades, down the length of my spine and back up again and I shivered._

_"She likes you, you know? Really holds a candle for you." My inebriation getting the better of me, I spewed out the words before I could stop them. He merely smiled as I pressed my fingers against my mouth to contain my words._

_"I know; she's a sweet girl, but I've had my eyes on someone else for quite a while now." Looking up at his face I noticed the facetious, studying glint in his eye and I suddenly felt a burning heat of anxiety in the pit of my stomach._

Leave;_ it kept telling me._

_Not wanting to rouse any more suspicion than was necessary I laughed lightly and smiled. _

_"I should get back to base, make sure she's ok, poor girl is probably a mess without me." Ignoring the throbbing in the back of my head I stood and tried to cross the soft carpet to leave; but about halfway to the door a hand grabbed me around the arm and I turned to see Justin's dark eyes staring down at me._

_"I would appreciate it if you'd let go of me." My voice was as level and confident as I could make it, but I knew he wouldn't be moved by words alone. He made an attempt to grab my other arm but just before his fingers touched me I grabbed his wrist and twisted hard before reaching up to pull his head down quickly to my knee; the sickening crunch of his nose breaking was clearly audible._

_"Ah, fuck!" Justin wrapped a hand around his mouth and nose as he looked up at me. Sensing that he was going to retaliate I backed up to escape him but the drowsiness from being hit over the head combined with the effects of too much alcohol made me slower than I thought. With the free hand hanging by his side he crossed the distance towards me and backhanded me across the face, my cheekbone stinging roughly as my head whipped to the side. _

_"Justin." _

_Derek's voice was firm, leaving little room for opposition and as I opened my eyes I saw him saunter towards us; Justin backed away, gave me a hateful scowl, and left through the small apartment's door behind me, slamming it shut. Derek continued to move closer to me and with a sickening epiphany I realized I had been backed in to a corner; he moved closer to me and I felt my back touch the cold steel of the door._

_"So which of you was it that hit me over the head?" He grinned at my sudden question._

_"So succinct, so to the point, I like that. To answer your question it was Justin, guy really just doesn't like you for some reason."_

_I touched the back of my head lightly with my fingertips and winced at the pain._

_"Well the feeling is mutual, I tend to not appreciate people who hit me, with their hands or otherwise." Derek moved closer and touched his fingertips to my already-bruised cheekbone, his light blue eyes boring holes in to my own, and he sighed. _

_Not wanting to invite any more unwanted attention I stilled against the door, pressing myself hard against it as if I could slip through the thin barrier and run as fast as my legs would take me away from here. Derek's hand moved, brushing the skin of my cheek and neck before finally resting on the skin under my collarbone above my breast._

_"So beautiful," he whispered, "I almost loathe having to break you." _

_I shuddered at the meaning his words held and tried to get out from under his grasp, but as I moved forward he shoved me back against the door, just hard enough that when my head hit my vision flooded with stars and I gasped at the sharp pain. _

_My vision blurred again and when I came to my senses I could just make out faint moonlight illuminating a small corner of a pitch black bedroom, I knew Derek was above me, but I couldn't see his face. Trying to pull myself further out of the daze I could feel the soft sheets of a bed underneath of me, Derek's weight pressing me in to the mattress as his mouth moved over my neck and collarbone, sucking and nipping at the skin; willing my hands to move I pushed against his chest with what little strength I had left._

_"Derek, stop."_

_Without a word, he pulled both of my hands above my head and encircled one of his own around my wrists, trapping me; his free hand slid up my side and under my shirt, his fingers running along the skin at the base of my bra._

_"Derek!" _

_My mind was still so fuzzy and even though part of me had the sense to buck and writhe to try and fight back, I could tell my efforts were useless; he merely caught a knee between my legs and lay between them to keep me from moving; feeling woozy from lack of breath I blacked out again._

_The next time I woke up I wished I hadn't. _

_Sharp pain from low in my body pierced through my mental haze as Derek, in one irrevocable motion, despoiled my femininity; taking me in the most debased of ways a man can possess a woman. Stripped of any defense I used the only weapon left available to me; I screamed._

_My voice, dampened by liquor and stale cigarette smoke, strained harshly in my throat; the pitch of it sounding foreign even to my ears. I only had a few seconds of strong protest before Derek placed a rough hand over my mouth and wrapped the other around my waist, gripping hard enough that the pain from his nails nearly rivaled the pain between my legs._

_His groans echoed in my ears and even though I was close to passing out again, I could tell he was nearly spent; his pace quickened and tears fell down either side of my face as he pushed himself towards me once more, gripping my waist so hard I screamed against the palm of his hand, feeling the warm trickle of blood across my back. His upper body bowed forward as he finished, one hand still covering my mouth and the weight of his torso crushing the breath from my lungs._

Like the flicking of a light switch, the darkness from my painful memory was replaced by blinding light as the lift shuddered back to life; I was ripped harshly back in to reality as Spock and I staggered against the sudden rocking and our physical connection was lost. I blinked against the punitive light as a stream of tears fell from my eyes and I held a hand over my mouth to keep the sobs contained. The door to the lift opened and I could hear everyone on the bridge speaking frantically, but I was too focused on what I had just seen to really pay attention.

"Leila, I…"

Unable to speak, I held a hand up to stop Spock, shaking my head forcefully as I turned to get off the lift; I couldn't bear to meet his eyes. A dozen different emotions hit me at once as I turned and walked quickly towards the bridge doors, anger, frustration, fear, embarrassment; yet none of those held a candle to the feeling of complete and utter vulnerability I was experiencing.

In the span of a few seconds the single most petrifying experience of my life had been laid out so plainly for someone else to see; I gasped suddenly at the thought and I was all but blinded by tears as I pushed the door to the stairs open, seeking the comfort the silent walls could give me.

No one, save for myself, knew the exact details of what happened that night; when I told the police they had enough for an arrest after I had mentioned names and the hospital confirmed the legitimacy of my claim, but they didn't ask for specifics.

I physically couldn't tell my parents anything particular, my mother was enough of a wreck just knowing it had happened and I'll never forget the look on my father's face when he picked me up at the hospital.

Suddenly feeling the heaviness of my sadness from missing my parents coupled with the painful knowledge of what had just happened, I rushed through the door of my room and vomited; heaving all that was left of me in to the bathroom sink.

After rinsing my mouth out, I slumped on to the bathroom floor; shaking and empty, I curled in to a ball on the cold tile, baring my teeth against my agony.


	8. Found

**_Bliss123: Oh, Bliss123, how can I describe how lovely you are? I may or may not have done a crazy happy dance when I read your reviews; thank you from the bottom of my heart you beautiful reader you. =]_**

**_This chapter is slightly shorter than normal, and way too late; but it kind of speaks for itself and I hope that's enough. Let me know how terrific/terrible you think it is. I love you all._**

* * *

_Bam. Bam. Bam._

"Leila, come on open up, I know you're in there."

Bristling slightly at the loud noise I slowly opened my eyes, the sight of the pale bathroom tile almost foreign as I sat up and rubbed my shoulder.

_How long was I out?_

I couldn't remember exactly when I had fallen asleep, but it couldn't have been too long ago; my shoulder and hip only ached slightly from laying on the unforgiving floor and clearly it was still early enough in the evening for someone to be awake.

_Bam. Bam._

"Leila, please; I don't want to have to break down your damn door."

The voice was quieter this time, less despairing, and I could tell, not only by the demanding, yet polite demeanor, but also by the soft rapping of the knocks, that Bones was the one standing outside my door. I peeled the rest of myself off the floor and slowly made my way to the room's entrance, favoring the hip that I had been laying on as I leaned on the threshold; when I opened the door Bones had his fist poised to knock again and I couldn't help but notice that he seemed to be looking eerily similar to how I was feeling.

"Hi Bones." My eyes still stung from my tears and I had to squint against the light behind him to be able to see him clearly as he lowered his hand.

"Oh, sweetheart." Bones' face twisted into an almost pained expression as he took in the sight of me, I no doubt looked a mess; my hair was twisted in knots from laying on the ground, my eyes and nose were still tinged pink, and the eye makeup I had been wearing had dried in thick, watery lines down the length of my cheeks; he let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"What the hell happened? Jim called me a few minutes ago and asked me to check on you, said you ran out of the bridge in tears." I rubbed what was left of my makeup out of the corner of my eyes and smiled weakly, slightly embarrassed as I thought about what my display on the bridge must have looked like.

_Has it really only been a few minutes since I left?_

"I overreacted is what happened, Spock and I got caught in the lift on our way up from Engineering while we were being attacked and I don't exactly…do well in small, confined spaces." Even as the short, half-truth tumbled out of my mouth, I instantly regretted having to mislead him, but there was no way I was going to be able to tell him all of what had actually happened.

"Oh, well that explains a lot, I'd probably cry if I got stuck in a lift with Spock too." I cocked an eyebrow at the deadpan delivery of his comment but I couldn't help the smile that formed as he suddenly burst in to laughter. "Seriously though, you're all right? I've got some sedatives down in medical that could help take the edge off, if you want." He winked playfully at me and I shook my head before running a hand through my tangled hair.

"Thanks Bones, but I'll be all right; how's the ship? I didn't exactly, eh, stick around long enough to find out what happened." The smile on his face faltered slightly.

"Ship's pretty banged up; we've got some injured crew members, but nothing too serious thankfully, and nothing compared to the other guys. Jim mentioned we'll have to back track a little bit to stop for repairs but by the sounds of it, they won't take too long, he's really itching to get out on that foreign planet he found today." I nodded and straightened myself up off the door frame.

"I think everybody is; the captain didn't mention to you where we were stopping did he, for the repairs I mean?" Bones shook his head.

"No idea, darlin', you could probably ask him tomorrow. If you're sure you're going to be all right though I'm going to head back down to medical." He quickly swiped a hand down his face. "We're a bit busy."

"Yeah, yeah I understand, I'll see you later."

We exchanged more smiles and goodbyes and as Bones walked down the hallway and out of sight I blew a heavy breath out of my mouth, sending stray hairs flying about around my face. The threshold of the door was once again my crutch as I stood in quiet contemplation over all of what happened that day, and although I could tell I was still in shock; part of me was wondering if Spock was all right.

_You did kind of just leave him hanging back there._

_Perhaps he shouldn't have been sticking his nose in other people's business then._

_Oh stop, he was only trying to help, it's not his fault you're a basket case who can't control her own thoughts._

Huffing in frustration (and from my own conflicting internal monologue) I turned back to the dark solace of the room and flopped face first on to the sheets of the bed, silently praying to every deity in my knowledge that I could have just a small semblance of sleep; and not only that, but that when I woke up, today would have been all a dream, a wicked dream that I'd have the wondrous opportunity to re-write.

* * *

I realized quickly the next morning as I got ready for work that my hopes for a re-write were going to be tragically dashed, Marie ambushed me with well-meaning questions the moment I stepped out of my door and didn't stop until we came up to the entrance of the bridge. I only repeated the same information that I told to Bones last night but Marie's easily excitable and inquisitive nature made it hard for her to settle; she kept insisting that I take the day off.

"Seriously Leila, you looked like a wreck yesterday, go down to the Med-Bay and sleep it off!" I shook my head and stared her down in front of the bridge doors.

"Marie, I promise you, I am just fine; if I thought a little bit of claustrophobia would kill me then I wouldn't have agreed to stay on the ship." Mirroring Captain Kirk I clapped a hand on her shoulder, making sure to avoid her bare arm. "Now, let's go figure out what the hell we're doing today."

"But…" Marie started to argue again but before she could get continue with her thought I threw her a pointed look; she set her hands on her hips like she might protest but all she did was roll her eyes.

"All right, all right, you win;" she threw her hands up in defeat and followed me on to the bridge, "for now."

Chucking softly to myself she and I made our way down to our stations and began going through the status reports from last night's incident; my eyes quickly perused the information but I knew before I even glanced at the first page that I was going to be too scatterbrained to really pay attention. My conscious kept taking me back to the alarmingly similar situation I found myself in a couple of days ago, nervously thinking over the fact that Spock may have figured me out; that he may have peeled back the carefully constructed outer surface to find out that I was really just a tightly wound ball of nerves. How I had sat in this same chair within a few feet of him all day and had to constantly talk myself out of running away every time he walked by.

This time I was still nervous (so much so that I felt sick to my stomach) but my fear of speaking to him, resolving whatever issue that had been put between us, had eased; I almost _wanted_ to find him and work through it.

_Perhaps this is what he meant when he said he would share your fear with you._

I cautiously scanned the large room and those occupying it, noticing a distinct absence of the first officer and despite what we had experienced last night and the slight resistance I was feeling towards seeing him, I felt a small twinge of worry take root in my mind.

_Oh calm down, he does have other things to do besides see to your well-being; he's probably just up helping the other science officers._

Attempting to re-focus my attention on what was in front of me I turned back to my station and went through the reports out loud with Marie; apparently the vessel we had run in to was a rogue Kling-On warship, although what they were doing out in empty space no one seemed to be quite sure. Marie and I went through all of the ship's reports for damages that needed to be repaired as a result of the attack and as she and I made a list I added my own notes on what could possibly be done during the restorations to improve ship security. Once I had all of the information uploaded on to the PADD I followed Marie up to get something to eat, reviewing my notes for accuracy as we went.

"I wonder how long we'll be stationed for repairs." Marie mused quietly as we ate and I brought my attention up from the PADD.

"Bones mentioned to me that it doesn't sound like we'll be out very long, but we do have to back track a bit to get help; I asked him where we'd be going but he didn't seem to..."

Looking just past Marie's face and over her shoulder I caught a glimpse of Jim standing a few tables down, his face looked worried and when he curved a finger to gesture me to him I could see his jaw visibly tighten; I glanced back to Marie.

"I'll be right back."

I made my way across the mess hall over to Jim but as I came to stand in front of him I could immediately sense the tension in his body language.

"Captain?"

"What the hell is going on?"

We spoke nearly in unison and I had to actively try to keep my face neutral against his exclamation, I had never seen him this…perturbed.

"What do you mean sir?" His gaze shifted around the room before he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What I mean is last night my chief security technician ran out of the bridge in tears after helping my first officer with a problem in Engineering, the same first officer who decided he couldn't report for work today after an 'incident' that happened between the two of you last night during the attack."

I sighed heavily as I let my posture slack a little bit.

"I'm sorry Jim, I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to explain last night; I'm a bit claustrophobic, well, very claustrophobic, and when Spock and I came back up from Engineering last night the lift got stuck half way up to the bridge. My fear got the better of me and I started crying; I should have come to you first thing this morning but I assumed Bones would have told you."

His blue eyes lost their hardened edge as he let out a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why didn't you tell me? You didn't have to use the…"

"Sir, you needed my help, I chose to use the lift because the ship, and the crew, needed the help more than I needed to avoid it; I'm fine, really." He nodded as he eyes swept around the room again.

"That still doesn't explain why Spock didn't show up for his shift today. Guy is usually the master of stoicism but it was pretty obvious something was up; I asked what happened after you left last night and I don't know if he was just uncomfortable or what but all he did was just stare at me. Honestly the only other time I've seen him react like that was when his mom…" Jim cut his sentence short and I cleared my throat to let him know I understood. "So I've been a little worried."

Shifting against his gaze I clenched my jaw, the small twinge of worry that had planted itself in my head growing stronger with each passing second.

"Maybe he just didn't know what to say; from what I've gathered crying females tend to make men a bit…unnerved." Steering the conversation I absentmindedly rubbed circles on the inside of my left elbow before continuing. "Do you want me to see if I can find him?"

Looking up from my hand's ministrations he nodded shortly.

"If you don't mind; I've got some important stuff to go over with him but I doubt he would want talk to me; go work your Vulcan magic." Giving him a half smile and an eye roll I tilted my head in acknowledgement before heading back to the table Marie was sitting at; she told me she'd give the captain our report on the promise that I take a day off with her when we docked for repairs.

"Yes, I promise, you and I can do whatever you want." Her smile brightened and secretly I wondered what I was getting myself in to. "I've got to go though, I'll see you later."

Waving goodbye I headed down the closest set of stairs, realizing when I reached the bottom that I hadn't the first idea where Spock could be. Part of me thought about checking the rec rooms but I tossed that idea as soon as it came, he didn't seem to really ever go there. I doubted he'd be in the training room or up with the science officers and after a few more moments of deliberation I decided I was going to have to suck it up and ask Bones if he knew where his room was.

It didn't take more than a couple of minutes to find him standing outside the Med-Bay doors and, starkly contrary to what I was expecting; Bones didn't even bat an eye when I asked where the commander's room was.

_Poor guy probably still has his hands full from the attack last night._

After thanking Bones and, per his directions, I found myself turning down a long corridor, one that I noted looked vaguely familiar as I stared down it's length, counting the doors as I went. Finding the right one I planted myself in front of it and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in to try and steady the frantic pace of my heartbeat. I opened my eyes, steeling my resolve, and gave three short knocks on the flat, cold door.

Nothing.

I strained carefully to try and listen for some kind of sound, the shuffling of feet or a voice from inside the room, but the only thing to reach my ears was a hollow, almost tangible silence; I knocked again.

"Spock?"

Still nothing.

Turning to look down either side of the hallway I furrowed my brow in confusion; save for myself there wasn't a single other soul to be found. I continued down the hallway and rounded the corner, realizing with a shock that the open foyer at the end of the short passageway was the same observation deck I had found myself on nearly a month ago, totally unaware of the fact that my whole world had been totally and irrevocably transformed.

As I walked through the arched entryway I took in the expansive space, the wide open window at the hall's end; I hadn't returned since Chekov first found me and when I took in the soft, yet radiant light of the stars I had to ask myself why, this would have been a brilliant place to come think over a problem.

The lone figure standing at the window's edge let me know that I wasn't the only one to think so.

I made my way from my spot in the entrance and across the vast, bright floor, my eyes focused on Spock's form; he was turned just so, the only thing visible to me was the back of his dark hair, his long arms were pulled behind him, one hand cradled in the other at the small of his back. Normally of a conspicuously tall stature, I couldn't help but notice that against the infinite backdrop of space, and particularly in front of the large window, he looked almost childlike. I tried to keep my footsteps silent so as to avoid disrupting his train of thought, but when I came within the last twelve or so feet of him, his head turned slightly and I stopped.

A long, pregnant pause settled between us and for the first time I noticed a tingling, pins and needles energy inhabiting the air emanating from him; even without the direct weight of his gaze on me, it swirled and crackled against my skin.

"I must confess I am surprised that it is you who sought me out; after your reaction to our…situation the other day, I had expected more avoidant behavior." The deep, even lilt of his voice fell over me like the warmth of a blanket, soothing the stinging reproach of his words as he spoke, and yet when I found my own voice I had to concentrate to keep the sense of embarrassment from my tone.

"When I told you that everyone has a right to change their mind, I meant it; I may agonize over the pros and cons of a decision but once I have made a choice, I don't go back on it. It would be unfair of me to avoid you when I myself made the conscious decision to accept the repercussions of physical connection with you, regardless of what you saw." He slowly turned towards me, lifting his dark eyes from the floor to my own as he faced me wholly.

"Besides, whatever it was that you did last night, sharing my fear with me as you said, it worked; I still think about what happened but I no longer feel smothered by the memory. For the first time in six years I don't feel like a helpless victim when I see his face."

He visibly winced at my words, the soft, subtle twist of his features betraying his discomfort; my next words came out so low they were almost a whisper.

"And for that I will always be thankful."

I watched his shoulders and chest rise and fall with a deep, full breath and for the first time I allowed myself to stare at him with shameless abandon. No longer feeling unbalanced by his intense gaze, my eyes roamed over his face, the smooth height of his cheekbones, the soft swell of his lips, the hard edge of his jaw; I worried for a moment that I may be making him uncomfortable, but after a few seconds of contemplation he spoke.

"Then I believe I owe you an apology, I incorrectly assumed you would be angered with myself and with the situation I have put you in." I laughed dryly against his words as I shook my head.

"Trust me I wanted to be, but like I said, I invited your help. I am not going to fault you for something you have no control over, particularly since it has helped me so; honestly it should be me who apologizes." His brows knit together at my words and I gave a short pause before continuing.

"It was by my own actions that you came to that assumption, and if I'm being honest…it wasn't exactly the most pleasant of memories to unwittingly share with someone."

His hands relaxed down to his sides, the simple motion perceptibly reducing the tension holding him in place.

"It was, undoubtedly, the most distressing memory I have ever bore witness to; so much so that I have had a difficult time ascertaining how to process it. To have lived with all of that emotion and fear for as long as you have while staying, as it is put, level-headed, is rather remarkable. Truly, though I was not personally involved, I find myself off balance as I try to contain it all; a sensation that I am not entirely familiar with."

I realized suddenly that having to bear the emotional burden of my turmoil was weighing heavier on him than he would let show and I felt the beginnings of the dull ache of remorse creep through my mind.

"I'm sorry Spock, if I had known that it would have affected you as much as it has, I never would have accepted your help. It was the most terrifying, abhorrent, and de-humanizing experience I've ever had and I wouldn't want anyone to have to deal with it the way I had to, compromising your emotional well-being isn't worth the relief I feel." He took a few slow steps towards me, shaking his head slightly, and as I looked up to keep his gaze I noticed a slow, smoldering undertone beneath his regard.

"You misunderstand me; while the circumstances of your memory are most certainly callous, degrading, and at times unequivocally cruel, it is not simply having seen it that is most incensing to me." I furrowed my brow in confusion as I tried searching his face for an answer.

"What is then?"

My words came out slow but as I watched Spock exhale an almost frustrated sigh I felt the tension between us shift and my heart began racing again. The warm, prickling sensation I had all but become accustomed to, moved down from my neck and over my shoulders and upper back in a slow, stirring wave as we stared at one another; one more extremely precarious moment passed before he spoke.

"Not only the unfavorable and deplorable fact that it was you who had to experience it, but also the knowledge that there is nothing that could be done in my power to change it."

My mouth gaped slightly and for once I felt myself at a total loss for words; his concession had come out just as any other sentence he spoke, short and direct; but, coming from him, the weight of their meaning impaled me like a shot to the chest and I found myself struggling to remember how to take breath.

_Surely because of our friendship he would feel angered on my behalf, it only makes sense._

My own thoughts seemed to know better than I did, though.

_And surely you know when you're fooling yourself._

I stammered, blinking rapidly as I shifted on my feet, my eyes roaming around the large room, hesitant to meet his stare.

"I appreciate that, very few people actually understand the situation, but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it, there's nothing anyone could have done and I've accepted that." I could feel the slight melancholy slip through my eyes as I looked back up to his face and he sighed.

"My thought is that you should not have to; though I believe it is a fate no one should be obliged to endure, I cannot help but feel a certain…protectiveness in regards to your safety and comfort."

Once again his words left me in a surprised stupor; unable to think of what to say I let my eyes fall to the floor, tracing the lines of the patterned stone. I took a moment to consider his words; I wasn't sure if they were the beginnings of a declaration of intentions or him simply stating, in his own way, his friendly concern, just as Jim and Bones always had.

"Why?" I glanced back up to Spock's dark eyes and felt the tingling in my shoulders intensify as he took another half step towards me.

"There are many reasons, one of which is the simple truth that I find myself drawn to your presence; whether it is because of our shared life experiences, the mutual sense of logic and sound reasoning, or simply the common traits Vulcans find attractive in one another, the end result is the same."

Nervous energy suddenly filled me from my tip toes to my ears and I opened and closed my mouth multiple times to try and speak before finally smiling timidly.

"And if we shared that same sentiment?"

Spock's eyes seared even deeper in to my own as he cleared the last small distance between us; coupled with the warmth of his body heat I felt as if I were being wrapped up in a small, but fierce burst of sunlight. I titled my head back as he rose over me and the electrifying sensation under my skin threatened to surge out from my fingertips as his mouth moved again.

"Then I believe there is nothing more to say."

My cheeks flushed brightly at the rough, low tone of Spock's voice and as he leaned towards me to place his hands on either side of my face I felt my heart threaten to erupt from my chest.

I closed my eyes instantly at the soft touch.

The gentle caress of Spock's hands was instantly eclipsed as I felt the warmth of his lips brush against my own; their careful, slow movements only a fraction of the potent strength I could feel him reigning in as our mouths moved in unison. Barely able to register anything other than the feel of our kiss I slowly brought my hands up to wrap around Spock's forearms, pushing up on tip toes to keep myself flush with his tall form; he inhaled sharply at the sudden contact and I felt my fingers tighten around the thick muscles of his arms in response.

It was over far too soon.

Spock pulled away carefully but kept his hands in place; I fought to catch my breath as he whispered against my lips.

"Someone is coming."

I slowly opened my eyes and nodded, licking my lips, before I released my grip on his arms. Cold air danced across my cheeks and jaw as Spock pulled his hands from my face and took a small step back from me. Our eyes locked once more before our attention was drawn to a trio of people turning the corner in to the vestibule; each of them nodded in our direction as they continued their conversation. Spock and I returned the acknowledgment and as they disappeared up the stairs behind us I could feel the lingering remnants of my blush fight to have its stay on my cheeks.

"We should probably get back to work."

When I caught his gaze again Spock nodded silently, the brief ghost of a smile pulling up one corner of his mouth.

"You are right; I would imagine the captain has quite a bit he wishes to discuss."

Trying hard to suppress the wild grin threatening to take over my features, I walked down the empty hallway with Spock, feeling more untroubled and carefree than I had in years.


End file.
